"Crossroads" - Common App Personal Essay

"Crossroads"

A woman's gold hijab flutters past where I stand, her husband's neutral maawi accenting its vibrancy. A man wearing a salwar kameez darts through the throngs of people, shouting in Urdu as his mini-me son lags behind. A familiar sight: a jumble of fluorescent yellow Crocs huddle around a screen announcing the next flight to Atlanta. I am standing in the Charles de Gaulle airport, captivated by the different cultures, identities and traditions.

An airport for me holds special fascination. This is where men and women from every corner of the world amass. Although this fleeting encounter lacks cohesion, the story and culture behind each passenger captures my imagination.

Ever since childhood, the crossroad of societies and cultures has fascinated me. Whether it is trekking hours to an indigenous Andean community, spending a month with another family in Southern Spain and Iceland, or walking through Tehran's bazaar, I have taken every opportunity to learn more about and from others.

Understanding other peoples' culture and life begins when a language barrier does not exist. My first language as a child was Farsi, followed by English; Spanish, which I speak fluently, is followed by French and Italian, both in the learning process.

This curiosity about the world began at an age of Curious George and Madeline. My Iranian parents would tell me about the horrors and the aspirations of the 1979 Revolution, although at the time, I understood little. As I grew older, I became fascinated with the country of my heritage and its turbulent relations with the country I call home.

I discovered news outlets such as the New York Times and the BBC, and I read personal accounts about the inflation and suffering in Zimbabwe, former child soldiers in Sierra Leone, and the post-apartheid era.

By my sophomore year, I had not found a path to express these passions. Although the news cycle for the 2008 US elections stole the media's attention from the news of human suffering elsewhere world, I began learning more about the genocide in Darfur. I couldn't understand how such atrocities could be committed without international outcry. As the details of Darfur's horrors became more embedded into my conscience, an opportunity presented itself. I was asked to organize two events sponsored by Genocide Intervention Network, featuring Dr. Ashis Brahma, the sole doctor in a Darfur refugee camp of 27,000.

I poured much of my energy and soul into planning the event. From speaking to the media, sponsors, donors and politicians, I discovered an outlet where my passion could convert itself into action.

On February 10, 2009, as I addressed an audience of over 900 students, I had a sort of epiphany. If a high school student- with four months of dedication- can educate and encourage hundreds to take a stand as well, then it is worth spending a lifetime on activism and community service. Collaboration and negotiation should not be made between countries and diplomats, but between humans.

I founded the first high school STAND (student anti-genocide coalition) chapter in the state. In just three months, we raised thousands of dollars, educated politicians about Darfur and related legislation, and organized a rally at the State Capitol for Obama's 100th day in office. This year, we aim to focus on the atrocities in the Congo.

I now view success as the ability to make a difference in the lives of others. When I hear of the suffering of the innocent, I feel obliged to help. But with what voice is such suffering conveyed? This question compels me to want to lend my voice to those who have been robbed of their own. I hope to translate my passion to other young people, so that together, we become not only the leaders of tomorrow- but of today.

That's deep


Not sure what you mean by this.


This is some famous speech material right here.

Your essay is beautiful down to the last word.

PS. Do not post useless comments onto other threads just so that you can post your own thread. This is very selfish. Others on this site spend an incredible amount of time to offer detailed feedback. If you expect this kind of attention you must first give it to others as well.

Thanks! I'll fix the second part you mentioned. And I'm sorry you're right I'll give detailed feedback to others asap. thanks for the help!

Overall, your essay is sincere and serious, the sort of thing you want for this. I'm not sure the first part of your essay works that well with the second part, though. Perhaps you could open with one of your parents relating a story about the Iranian revolution instead? Also,


The logic hear needs clarifying. You discovered that activism is fairly easy, so it is worth dedicating a lifetime to? This isn't what you mean, but it is what you have actually said. Rephrase.

Thanks for the comments. I'll change that part about activism being "easy." But I really do like the first part I have already but will work to further connect it to the second part. thanks so much!

I edited the paragraph that was unclear- please let me know what you think.

On February 10, 2009, as I addressed an audience of over 900 students, I had a sort of epiphany. With months of dedication, I was able to educate and encourage hundreds to take a stand- imagine what could be accomplished in a lifetime.

(I'm thinking of adding "I aim to dedicate my life to activism and community service" and the end. Should I, or is this already implied in the last sentence above?

I like the airport crossroads intro, but Sean is right that the tie to the rest of the essay is weak. I'd keep the opening paragraph, radically cut the part where you go on about your love of crossroads, and instead offer yourself as a sort of crossroads, where your parents' aspirations and history mingle with those of you and your peers here in the USA. That, then, can be the transition to your parents telling you about 1979.

^No, I can not imagine what can happen in a life time. People respond to things differently. If there is an invariable constant in the world, it is people's responsive nature. Just because a set of people respond one way, does not mean that another set will respond similarly.

And no. It is not implied at all.


^I thought that the Crossroads was a separate essay altogether?

Here is an updated essay (I took out much of the middle that seemed irrelevant):

"Crossroads"
A woman's gold hijab flutters past where I stand. A man wearing a salwar kameez darts through the throng of people, shouting in Urdu as his mini-me son lags behind. A familiar sight: a jumble of fluorescent yellow Crocs huddle around a screen announcing the next flight to Atlanta. I am standing in the Charles de Gaulle airport, captivated by the different cultures, identities and traditions.

An airport for me holds special fascination. This is where people from every corner of the world amass. Although this fleeting encounter lacks cohesion, the story and culture behind each passenger captures my imagination.

This curiosity about the world began when my age was still a single digit. My Iranian parents would tell me about the horrors and the aspirations of the 1979 Revolution, although at the time, I understood little. As I grew older, I became fascinated with the country of my heritage and its turbulent relations with the country I call home.

I was at a crossroads- my parents' aspirations and history mingled with my passions, such as languages, travel and global politics.
By my sophomore year, I had not found a path to express these passions. However, I began learning about the genocide in Darfur. I couldn't understand how such atrocities could be committed without international outcry. As the details of Darfur's horrors became further embedded into my conscience, an opportunity presented itself. I was asked to organize an event sponsored by Genocide Intervention Network, featuring Dr. Ashis Brahma, the sole doctor in a Darfur refugee camp of 27,000.

I poured much of my energy and soul into planning the event. From speaking to the media, sponsors, donors and politicians, I discovered an outlet where my passion could convert itself into action.

On February 10, 2009, as I addressed an audience of over 900 students, I had a sort of epiphany. With months of dedication, I was able to educate and encourage hundreds to take a stand. Imagining what could be accomplished in a lifetime, I wanted to dedicate my life to activism.

I founded the first high school STAND (student anti-genocide coalition) chapter in the state. In just three months, we raised thousands of dollars, educated politicians on Darfur and related legislation, and organized a rally at the State Capitol for Obama's 100th day in office. This year, we aim to focus on the atrocities in the Congo.

I now view success as the ability to make a difference in the lives of others. When I hear of the suffering of the innocent, I feel obliged to help. But with what voice is such suffering conveyed? This question compels me to want to lend my voice to those who have been robbed of their own. I hope to translate my passion to other young people, so that together, we become not only the leaders of tomorrow- but of today.

The first part of your essay now connects more smoothly with the rest of it. In taking out some of the other details, you have also ended up focusing much more closely on your decision to engage in activism aimed at stopping the genocide in Darfur, which is probably a good thing. However, I would like to see something in the essay that addresses the question of why, out of all the issues you could have become involved in, Darfur was the one you settled on.