p.s.: sorry that I included all the short essays in one thread but I'm really can't give advise to someone's essay because I don't know language well...
You can help people. This is like a study group for people trying to improve their English, whether they are native speakers or not. You don't have to make corrections; all you have to do is tell people about the impression the essay made on you.
You can help in ways I cannot help, because I am not bilingual. Being bilingual gives you extra insight into the way to help an essayist. It is not a weakness; it is a strength!
If to talk about my favorite
Don't mention sports activities, because that is not what the essay is about. Let every sentence give the reader a new experience, and let the experiences be all about your main idea.
Since, ----> I have been...
Since a secondary school, I have been interested in computer programming.
This is so exciting! -----Very good writing. It is good to transmit an emotion like this.
Here,you put 2 sentences together and it is a run on sentence:
And I do not want to stop on the school's knowledge. Th
at's why my program must be based
Actually, I'm not so proud of any of
my personality attributes because
all they together
it's simply me, but I can mark out some of them.
Don't use "mine" this way:
I want to mark out one more of
And instead of mark out you can use the word explain:
I want to explain one more of my personality attributes that is important to me.