I am ready to submit the following essay for my common application and would greatly appreciate any input on it:
As a child, I was always amazed by computers and all the things I could do with them. Applications that taught me math skills, how to type, read and write. Or just have a good time playing games. The person who truly inspired me to love computers was my dad. My dad was the one who spent countless hours with me as a kid to teach me how to use computers and open opportunities that were available to me. As I grew older I could see more than just the hardware and programs, I saw the future. This is how my father inspired me to get involved in what I love.
At a very young age, it was evident to my parents that I had difficulties speaking. By the age of five, I had already seen hearing specialists and tested for fine and gross motor skills. My father knew that I would have to work very hard to get ahead. I had no idea what computers were, but my dad saw them as an opportunity for me to learn and address some of my learning deficiencies. As I began to work with computers, I saw amazing things that I could only dream of; educational programs, games and the internet. My dad wanted me to learn, but he also kept it fun so I wouldn't lose interest.
As I spent more and more time on the computer with my dad, he explained to me how everything worked; keyboard, mouse, computer, monitor and printer. He kept it basic so I could understand; the computer was the brain, the keyboard and mouse were used to enter information and the monitor printer were used to produce information. One of my favorite programs was Mavis Beacon, because every time I finished a level, I would get a certificate. My dad would give me a prize every time I received one.
By fourth grade, I had been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), but my parents did not want me to use any medications, so my dad continued to work even harder with me to stimulate my learning using computers. He talked to my teachers to see what areas I was most deficient, and used educational programs to address these. Of course there were other cool things he showed me on computers. I actually helped him build a few computers; he would let me put screws and plug wires. He also showed me why protecting computers from viruses was important. The one thing I always remembered is him saying how computers were changing the world and that one day, I could also work with computers to make changes of my own.
When I was ten, my dad began to take me to computer expos that featured companies selling computers, computer parts, software and cool devices. My dad told me that if I really wanted, and worked hard at it, someday I could develop applications or tools that could be displayed at these expos. My dad has always motivated me to work hard and try to be number one. If I messed up a test, quiz or project, he always encouraged me to try again, even harder. As I progressed in my studies, I became more and more interested in my academics, and always strived to be the best. Entering high school, I continued to do well, but now I was receiving awards recognizing my hard work. I was finally doing well in academics and other parts of my life.
My dad also inspired me to prepare for the future, so I could enter college and have more opportunities than he had. Now it is my senior year, and I am looking at multiple colleges, but my love for computers that he instilled in me has not wavered. I am preparing to enter college and pursue a career in Computer Science. It's funny how I've decided to follow in his footsteps, and pursue a career in computers. I wonder if deep down, he knew this was my path. He never forced me, but gave me the opportunity to be involved with computers at a very young age.
I know that many will say that they were inspired by their mom, their dad or a figure that has entered their lives, but is there any doubt that a man who has shown me so much about computers, at a very young age, and has allowed me to develop my love for them, not be the most influential person in my life? I can only hope to make him proud by succeeding in life.
Thank you, Dad.
TIA
Applications that taught me math skills, how to type, read and write. ---By removing the word "that," I changed this into a complete sentence.
Sometimes, I just had a good time playing games.
The one thing I always remembered is remember him always saying was th at computers were changing the world and that one day (no comma necessary here) I could also work with computers to make changes of my own.
The great thing about this essay is that is simultaneously demonstrates excellent writing and strong focus on a chosen field of study. That is very impressive! Also, I bet you only had ADD when they were teaching you about things that were not interesting... you write very well!
