as my first language is not English , i will need a lot of help to improve the essay.
1. is the essay too childish, because i think it is and it needs a lot of improvement. please help me do so.
2. any suggestions regarding the correction of misused grammar would be appreciated.
3. please also suggest how to improve the overall essay, like using high level of English, phrases, so on and so forth.
thanks in advance for the help. it means a lot to me.
Person who has influenced me in my Life:
When I think about the person who influenced my life the most, the first person that comes to my mind is - my Dad.
My Dad is a tall, cool, independent, hardworking and a very practical man; ready to accept change and alter state of mind according to any situation. He loves me a lot as every father and always remains strong by not showing his emotions.
He is full of fun, light hearted and always looking at the positive things in
life. He is not only a father to guide between the good and bad but also a good friend, a companion and above all my inspiration. I love to play a good game of Billiards with him whenever we go to the Club.
Whenever he leaves for his job, he says - "Do not go after marks, excel in whatever you are doing and the result will always be the best. Work hard and when I come back we will have fun." This has had a great impact on me. So when he is away - these words keep me going - all through the days; and I along with my family wait for his return.
Family is the first priority to him and he pleasures every moment with us. He is full of fun and jokes when he is around. I have lots of friends but I am much happier and relaxed when he is around. Whenever I speak to him on the phone I get mental strength and motivation. He always guides me through any situation, as he is a strong man-mentally and physically. He believes in practicing yoga and so do I, as I practice moments of solitude before the pressures of the day begin.
My Dad always says - "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst". This way one will not be afraid of anything, because your mind is already prepared for the worst, and you know how to handle the situation. He prepares me mentally to face any situation and also helps me maintain my body physique.
He works hard to manage people from different countries and sail high seas. Although it is a difficult job, I have seen him manage things in a relaxed way and to heights of perfection. He never seems tired and is always finished with his work before time. He is my source of inspiration, motivation. Everything I have been able to accomplish with regards to school, I have him to thank for. I think he is an asset to society, and I hope to be that too in time.
These values and examples have helped me a lot in my life, and they will surely do the same for the rest of it. Through him I have learned that progress in a man's life should never stop no matter at what position he is. Like a small minute seed grows into a large tree, it doesn't matter where you start from, but what matters the most is where you stand now with respect to where you started.
When I think about the person who influenced my life the most, the first person that comes to my mind is - my Dad.
You can make the opening statement more interesting. For example :
Pope John XXIII says "It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father." I think I am one of those lucky children who have had a real father. A person who has shaped my thoughts, behavior and dramatically influenced my life.He is not only a father to guideshow me the right and wrong waysbetween the good and bad but also a good friend, a companion and above all my inspiration. I love to play a good game of Billiards with him whenever we go to the Club(Why did you say this sentence? Is this necessary? If you wanted to show that there is a close relationship between you and your father, it would be better to write a little about the moments that you play Billiard beside your father. Make your sentences a little emotional) .
Whenever he leaves for his job, he says - "Do not go after marks, excel in whatever you are doing and the result will always be the best. Work hard and when I come back we will have fun." This has had a great impact on me. So when he is away - these words keep me going - all through the days; and I along with my family wait for his return.
You did not make this fact clear that how these words could positively influence you. Elaborate on it.
when he is around.
repetition. U can say :"when he is beside me" OR "I feel safe and happy when he is beside me"
