DANCE: Princeton Extracurricular Activity

dance - training and performing

Need some opinions and grammar check if possible. Thank youu.
I have been dancing for as long as I can remember. It has opened doors to rare opportunities, which I grabbed before they could disappear. It has been there for all of the good times but also the bad. I would not describe it as an extracurricular, but as my outlet, my sanctuary, and my passion. I never quit because of boredom or to join a new sport, but continued to dance for thirteen years, a very important time of my life.

I have spent years training and performing, adding a new style each year: Ballet to Modern, Jazz to African, and Musical Theater to Pointe. Dancing en pointe was key, it is the completion of any ballerina's goal, as well as mine. Even further than this, I was given the opportunity to join the Dutchess Dance Company, where we dance as a group and perform in our local areas. Recently, we performed at the Walter Hoving Home for rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts, and it was truly inspiring.

Teaching young dancers every week is completely heartwarming. I am able to relive the many years it took to get to where I am today. Nurturing and correcting the basic steps of the budding ballerinas. First, second, plié, relevé, all the steps I learned many years ago.

Dance is not just a pastime, but a doorway to the points in my life that caused change. At Princeton, I hope to continue this love through the co-curricular offerings of ballet and contemporary.

Sarah, you left an open ended topic in the essay. I assume that this is an essay about expanding on an extracurricular activity or work experience right? You are combining the two answers in one essay. I suggest that you don't do that. Either use the teaching part for the work experience or use the extra curricular activity part on a solo basis. That is so that you can fully utilize the word count for the statement.

If you choose to go with the extra curricular activity, you should add information about why you said that ballet as an activity was part of an important time in your life. What important time was this and how does it relate to the extracurricular activity and your decision to never change activities?

If you want to discuss this as part of a work experience as a ballet teacher, expand the discussion to showcase your love for the dance, a motivation to inspire the next generation of ballerinas, and a period of or ongoing personal growth that you have achieved up to the present time due to your interaction with your students and seeing their succeed in completing the complicate ballet steps.

Using one or the other topic for the discussion alone gives you the opportunity to really get into the informational side of your response so that the reviewer can move on to the next essay on his list with a clear idea of what makes your response special and considerable in terms of your application.