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'Dancers are the luckiest people' - NYU Supplement- What intrigues you?


edwkoc 4 / 12  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Dancers are the luckiest people in the world. Their job is to express a story through their bodies and to me their stories become the most beautiful form of art there is. My eyes cannot stray from the leg extensions, the pirouettes, the flexibility of dancers, young and old, ballet, jazz, lyrical, tap---I love it all.

All my life, I've wanted to be a dancer, but when I was little I couldn't afford to take class so my first experience with dance was in my first year of high school. At my first ballet class I made wonderful discoveries of new muscles in my legs, fingertips, and torso that I had never worked before. I worked different areas of my brain as I tried to pick up the routines we learned that day. I was diligent in trying to recognize the patterns and I finished class feeling exhilarated. It wasn't as easy as it looked, but I enjoyed it just as much as I thought I would.

Unfortunately, I also discovered that because I started so late, I probably wouldn't be able to dance professionally. I was shattered by fact that I would never be able to dance like the professional ballerina's I constantly admired, but yet, I didn't give up.

I now know that my performance during that first ballet class wasn't good. I was missing basic technique. I know that now however because I didn't stop dancing and learning. Throughout high school, I took all types of dance classes in and out of school, watched videos on dance, read books, looked at pictures and I couldn't stop.

I still take dance in school and now my teacher puts me in the front of the class so that the other students can watch me if they forget the steps. I choreographed my first piece this year, in ballet I am en pointe and I have finally officially been able to call myself "a dancer."

Although I will never become a prima ballerina or a Rockette, I have found another way to incorporate dance into my life. Dance helps me concentrate. As I try to memorize a monologue, or study for my exams, I dance while dictating the facts to myself. Dance helps me remember and darn it, I'll dance forever.
Strawberry78 4 / 52  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
I really like your essay. You did an amazing job. I felt the same way about tennis.

My eyes cannot stray from the leg extensions, the pirouettes, the flexibility of dancers, young and old, ballet, jazz, lyrical, tap---I love it all. There are a lot of commas going on in this sentence. Consider revising. Also try not to include contractions in formal writing.
kathyxtrieu /  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
Hii.
I feel like it's kind of overwhelmed by "I" near the end. Also sounds repetitive to say "I now know" and then "I know that now". You can rephrase that by replacing "know" with "understand"

through their bodies, and to me

I now know that my performance during that first ballet class wasn't good. I was missing basic technique.

you can combine these sentences.

however, because I didn't stop

I still take dance in school and now

you don't need both!

Hope this helps! If you get the chance, please help me with mine (:
jadore_lamode68 6 / 37  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Your response is not only interesting, but inspiring. The tone of voice is nice.

Help mine?


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