"I dare to be different" - FAMU Entrance Essay

1. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the university community?

I dare to be different. I am not afraid to follow the crowd. I am not ashamed to admit that I would rather spend my Saturday nights studying, then out partying with my friends. I do not allow others opinions of myself, to change how I feel about myself. I am confident, and I do not allow struggles to bring me down. I can overcome any and everything that gets in my way, simply because I am not afraid. I am not afraid to speak up in a crowd, or take a stand for issues I feel strongly about. I am not afraid to make mistakes; instead I am grateful for every opportunity to learn something new.

I believe that my attitude and willingness to learn are the best qualities that I can contribute to the university community. I hope that i can not only become very successful, but to be an inspiration to other students. If everyone at FAMU had a positive attitude, then the campus would become an even better learning environment, and produce even more prosperous people.

Please tell me what you think.
All comments are greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!

In this type of essay, it is better to demonstrate your qualities, rather than just claiming to have them. Take your first paragraph for instance. All those qualities you have mentioned sound like empty words to me. That's because I've never met you, and I don't know what sort of a person you are. The same thing can happen when a admissions officer is reading your essay.

So, when I say "demonstrate," I mean, demonstrate your qualities with the help of examples or anecdotes from your life. Rather than saying you're confident, narrate an event where you showed your confidence.

I hope you get my meaning. Good luck!

Great advice, here... that is why people say: Show, don't tell.

But it is difficult, Amaris, because the prompt asks you to tell about those qualities. So... the trick is to SHOW your qualities by telling some examples of things you have done to PROVE it. Next, tell some examples about your intentions (i.e. what you WILL do as a student at that school). Finally, end by naming the qualities in a way that will stick in the reader's mind.

:-)

i'm the same way, its like what they say "you ripe what you sow"

You REAP what you sow. And also, this advice does not really help with the essay! I saw how well you write, and you can help a little more when you comment on people's essays, ajoye. :-)

I dare to be different. ---This seems like a common cliche... so maybe you can say it in different words.
I am not afraid to follow the crowd. -----I think you mean to say, "I am not afraid to opt out of following the crowd."

:-)