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Why data science - personal statement (650 words limit)



undvmn 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2024   #1
(Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.)

I sit, nestled against the sturdy bark of a willow tree in Central Park, Karaganda, watching the vast, cloudless Kazakh sky. The world expands beyond the city, and from my quiet vantage point, I feel timeless, as though time and space have opened up just for reflection. My physical self fades away, and as I watch unseen currents carry clouds across the sky, I feel as though I'm drifting in a stream of thought, alone with my questions, diving deep for answers. Not long ago, though, I would have thought such moments were a complete waste of time.

Before attending senior classes at Nazarbayev School, my paradigm was substantially limited; opinions, prejudices, and ideas were shaped by the sterile environment of my junior years. I was herded by result-oriented, fast-paced, technologically-reliant parameters towards programming and math. I was taught that one's supreme accomplishment should be specialization.

Subconsciously, I knew this was not who I wanted to be, so I seized the chance to try various school activities. However, as soon as I arrived, I felt out of place. No one wanted to spend time with a beginner, and there was no sense of teamwork even in the group activities.

Instead of pleasing everyone, I decided to try my hand at soccer, the sport I was good at. At the beginning of my senior year, a soccer tournament was set to occur. Having agreed with the PE teachers, I organized it in the world championship format.

That day, the soccer ball darted across the field, leaving a faint trail of light with each kick. The final match brought the classic showdown-2-2, last point, the fabled golden goal. Winning would mean first place for our team, but a misstep would land us as runners-up. With the ball in my possession and close to the goal, I faced two choices: attempt the shot or pass to my teammate. Relying on team spirit, I passed. My teammate missed, and we took second place. Later, regret gnawed at me. I revisited the decision repeatedly, thinking, "What was the best move? Should I have taken the shot?" To clear my mind, I watered the garden, read Dostoevsky, and spent hours on Codeforces, solving complex problems that led my thoughts away from the field.

However, I needed new perspectives, something beyond my analysis. I watched similar plays in professional matches on YouTube, replaying them to reflect on my mistakes and imagine possible outcomes. None of the choices was 100% reliable, but some decisions were less risky and more precise. My strategy failed at the moment when I followed my feelings rather than logic. As Sun Tzu writes, "Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat." I've always loved building strategies, much like in chess, but now understand what it means to distinguish between their effectiveness and to make the best decisions at the moment instead of orchestrating it beforehand.

I am most enamored by strategies that cultivate ingenious and practical enrichments for humanity, focusing on the highest reward with the lowest risk and effort. Recently, my friend and I stumbled into a breakthrough after a table tennis match, sketching out an AI bot that can navigate legal regulations as a virtual lawyer. Now, we're determined to develop it further.

Programming still fascinates me, yet I seek a broader perspective, one where I can use statistical analysis and find optimal strategies. My time at the National Bank of the Republic of Kazakhstan deepened my understanding of programming and economics, letting me contribute to sector analysis in our economy. I realized then that my former career aspirations couldn't encompass the range of tasks I truly wanted to explore.

After much soul-searching, I have landed on data science as the perfect synergy of the fields I love. All it took was giving a pass on a football field.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15460  
Oct 30, 2024   #2
Having agreed with the PE teachers, I organized it in the world championship format.

You may want to present an introduction to this setting first. Why would the PE teachers allow you to develop the competition format? Do not leave your reviewer wondering how this occurred as it could affect the flow and information sharing of the essay for his consideration.

Do not waste the open topic essay on further reiterating your desire to seek an education in the field of data science. You have answered enough common app prompts to prove your genuine desire to complete this course. The open topic essay is normally used to represent a character trait or something / information about you that was not covered in the other common prompt discussions. Figure out something extra special about you that you want to share with the reviewer to show how well prepared you are for college in a foreign land. Get personal. This is your chance to let him get to know you on your terms. Enough about the data science decision. He wants to learn more about you beyond that interest. Trust me on this.
gigi_aa 3 / 6  
Nov 2, 2024   #3
This essay is great, but considering that this is your Common App essay, I'd suggest focusing on a topic that isn't related to what you want to major in. I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunities to explain why you are passionate about data science in your colleges' supplemental essays, so take the opportunity your personal statement gives you to share something more personal and raw about yourself. It could be a story from your childhood and how it still affects you today, or you could talk about your identity, or what you like to do in your free time, or quite literally anything that presents you as a person, that humanizes you and displays you as an actual person who's more than just stats and gpa. Another thing, while I think you're an amazing writer, I feel that there are many parts in this essay that are a little too wordy, in the sense that you just say things that are unnecessary and don't really add much to your main idea. Additionally, I think one rule that many applicants don't abide by is "keep it simple!" There's no need to use a big word if there's a simpler word to express the same thing you're looking to express. Admissions officers want you to write in your own voice, they don't want to read a thesaurus. I hope this helps and best of luck :)


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