UC Davis' resources and research opportunities will give me a solid foundation in programming.

Got waitlisted for my first choice UC Davis... NEED HELP WRITING 200 word statement

Prompt: A brief 200-word statement telling us why you would like to attend UC Davis

"Ever since I can remember my father has been telling my sister and me that she would go to UC Berkeley and I would go to UC Davis. He said he's been to both colleges and he thinks our personalities fit the respective colleges. My sister did end up transferring to UC Berkeley and getting her degree, but my father's predictions isn't what made me interested in UC Davis. Davis was solidified as my first choice when I became a volunteer coordinator and when my interest in programming grew fervent. I want to continue to surround myself with people who are enthusiastic and have pride in their community. Also, I believe UC Davis' resources and research opportunities will give me a solid foundation in programming. My father knows me well and we both know that UC Davis' computer science department has the professors and resources that I'm looking for."

I don't know how I feel about the story of my father. I also think I write 'UC Davis' a lot and don't know how to reduce that. HELP!

Upon looking at UC Davis site, you can see what the campus has to offer. There is a video where former freshman students discuss what they wish they had known as a freshman. It's on their homepage. There is an engineering major who talks about her experience and someone who talks about CRD or career development courses. This can give you an idea of what you may experience. Also, read some course descriptions and spend some time on their site.

You can also talk about your enthusiasm for wanting to go to UC Davis, what makes you stand out as a student, and how the UC Davis experience will help you in your future endeavors in programming. Personally, I don't think there is a problem with you using UC Davis. Also, you only have one paragraph that talks about your father. The rest of the essay commit to discussing how UC Davis will give you a solid foundation in programming. Just find a balance! Some ideas to also help to assist you are:

1) Do you plan on volunteering if you are accepted?
2) Do you want to intern in your field?
3) How will the faculty help you in your research? What areas interest you to research?

These questions are important in helping you stand out. If you are interested in volunteering or interning, this means that you want to give back and that you are trying to use all of the available resources to help you when you graduate from UC Davis. Alumni and career centers are great resources too. Basically, I think you need to be heartfelt and try to prepare a writing sample that shows why you want to go to UC Davis. If you were a volunteer coordinator at UC Davis, this represents your passion for helping the school. This may seem small, but it is an eye opener when it comes to taking a second look at an application.

I hope this helps. When I write, I freely write down ideas and try to tell my own story so that I don't feel so much pressure. Practice this and think about some of my suggestions.