'the day we become silent about things that matter' - Penn Supplement

Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.

-----"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." This quote, by none other than the famous Martin Luther King Jr., perfectly explains the importance it is to care about what is happening in the world, and this is the manner in which I live my life by. How can a person truly be living their life if that person does not stand up for what they believe in? Everyday, I wake up in the morning, when it is still dark out, and prepare myself for another day of school and work. Even though I could skip school and play video games, I persevere, knowing that going to school is important to my future and I do not let these opportunities pass by quietly. Just as Martin Luther King Jr. knew what was important and voiced his opinions, I, too, know what is important and I will not simply be quiet on the important things in life.

Your writing is strong and very rhetoric, but i get the feeling that you've missed the point of the prompt. You have to give the college a decent idea of who you are as a person, but you've mainly focused on your hard work and perseverance. Consider redrafting the essay with a little more substance in it. I'm sure that would work in your favour.

Hope this helps. :)

I agree. Who are you? Do you go to a large urban school? Are you from a small town? Big city? I am also applying to Penn, and I see this prompt as a chance to give a basic overview of 'who I am.'. Also, no one is going to pat you on the back for attending school instead of playing video games. SHOW how you make a difference, don't tell.