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"the death of my beloved grandmother" - UCF Essay - Bump in the road



BrandonArnet 1 / -  
Sep 28, 2009   #1
1.If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

Each individual has someone in their lives who makes a positive impact on them, even after they are gone. Following the death of my beloved grandmother, my perspective on life has greatly changed. My grandmother's dream was to see her two grandchildren graduate from high school and college. Unfortunately for her, she only made it half way. To this day, I regret not making the daily phone call just to see how she was doing.

Being raised in a strict, family oriented background helped me succeed throughout the schooling process. My dad's motto was "School first, fun later". Little did I realize at the time how much this expression would mean to me in life. He raised me the same way he was brought up, and for that I am appreciative. My biggest enthusiast was always my grandmother. Before my parents knew report cards were imminent, my phone was already ringing vigorously. She always made sure I was on the precise track and she allowed me to never set my standards stumpy and shoot for the stars. The day came when she was diagnosed with cancer. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was in disarray. Countless nights spent at the hospital made it virtually impossible to get my homework completed. The words focus and concentration had left my vocabulary. Until the night came, three knocks on my door. My dad stormed in, bawling, and I immediately knew that the time had come. She had passed away.

As sad as I was, I knew what was required of me. I had to carry out my dreams in honor of my grandmother. I put the sorrow aside, and set my mind to getting excellent grades. A sense of motivation had hit me, and hit me hard. It was no longer just a report card that I was getting; each grade was a remembrance of my grandmother whom I so deeply loved. I was determined to not only graduate high school, but to graduate with grades superior enough to please her.

To this day, it is a constant struggle. Like every teenage life, there are twists and turns, ups and downs. I can say I am one of the auspicious ones to have a loving family by my side, there to support me no matter what the situation may be. Most importantly, I have my grandmother by my side. Even if it may not be physically, she will always be in my heart, pushing me to be the finest that I am capable of being.

Stephen McGuire - / 2  
Sep 28, 2009   #2
This is well-done and is a good choice for the topic.

to never set my standards stumpy and shoot for the stars.

I have never heard this expression. It may really be one from where you are, but the word 'stumpy' here made my brain spin around and interrupted the flow for me. If this is normal where you are, leave it, but if not, change it to something like 'low' or 'average' .

The day came when she was diagnosed with cancer. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was in disarray. Countless nights spent at the hospital made it virtually

This should start a new paragraph.

Until the night came, three knocks on my door. My dad stormed in, bawling, and I immediately knew that the time had come. She had passed away.

The first part of this is a fragment. Is there a way you can combine the two parts into one cohesive sentence?

I am one of the auspicious ones to have a loving family by my side

I'm not sure auspicious is the right word here. 'Auspicious' has the sense of 'unique' or 'very special' and so in that sense is ok--however, we do not normally use it for persons, but occasions. Maybe 'lucky' or 'fortunate' would be better.
Moog 2 / 4  
Sep 28, 2009   #3
Very nice topic choice!
alexabishop 1 / 5  
Oct 5, 2009   #4
Hey, I'm also applying to UCF.. I think this is really good!


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