My decisions have shaped me; U Colorado; enrich its diverse and inclusive community

I have this as my essay right now, and i want to be able to get into this school very badly and i could use all the help i can get! Please help!

Prompt: The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching,
research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We
strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in
opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in
which we live.
Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive
community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?
500 word max

Going to the hospital at four years old is quite an experience that normal people don't always encounter in their life, but I did. I will never forget seeing that little white pill thinking of it as a new and improved piece of candy. Of course the idea of eating candy got me pretty excited so I ate that pretty quick, which turned out not to be such a fantastic idea seeming I ended up in the hospital . However, that night in the hospital has shown me the sleeping pill was not a piece of candy, and if it was it wasn't that great of a flavor at all, so as you can imagine I never mistaken a sleeping pill for candy again. This experience has been an idiom of how I personally live my life. A decision yet to be made dressed up all pretty; even though once it is made it can have negative consequences. The good thing about it is that the decision you made is meant to be learned from, it's not a permanent story of your lifetime.

My decisions have shaped me to who I am today, a 17 year old teenage girl wanting to create a future for herself. A future involving what I love: genetics, biology, and psychology. My passion for science has been there ever since I was young and in elementary school. I'm a curious girl, always looking things up wanting to know just so I know why things do the things they do. I want to bring that passion and motivation to succeed in the University of Colorado.

Visiting the hospital at the age of four on regular basis, is quite an extraordinary experience for an average child to encounter in life, but this was me.


Of course the idea of eating candy got me pretty excited, so I swallowed that pretty fast. However, it turned out not be a fantastic idea and I ended up in the hospital.

It's not clear where you swallowed that pill... did it happen in the hospital or at home? Your introduction is pretty vague getting the reader with so many questions in his mind. Why don't you re do it again?

I have redone the introduction a bit! Tell me what you think! Pahan

Visiting the hospital at the age of four is quite an extraordinary experience for an average child to encounter in life, but this was me. I will never forget seeing that little white pill thinking of it as a new and improved piece of candy. I still remember the music playing in the background, my family yelling at the broncos downstairs, and me exploring my grandmother's office due to curiosity. When I saw the pill sitting on her desk, the idea of eating candy got me pretty excited so I ate that pretty quick and a lot of it, which turned out not to be such a fantastic idea seeming I ended up in the hospital . However, that night in the hospital has shown me the sleeping pill was not a piece of candy, and even if it was, it wasn't that great of a flavor at all, so as you can imagine I never have mistaken a sleeping pill for candy again. This experience has been an idiom of how I personally live my life. A decision yet to be made dressed up all pretty; even though once it is made it can have negative consequences. The good thing about it is that the decision you made is meant to be learned from, it's not a permanent story of your lifetime.

My decisions have shaped me to who I am today, a 17 year old teenage girl wanting to create a future for herself. A future involving what I love: genetics, biology, and psychology. My passion for science has been there ever since I was young and in elementary school. I'm a curious girl, always looking things up wanting to know just so I know why things do the things they do. I want to bring that passion and motivation to succeed in the University of Colorado.