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'my default to take action against the injustice' - risk, achievement common app


angela711819 1 / 3  
Oct 7, 2011   #1
this is my first draft so i know its kinda diffused...please give me some suggestions!:)

ESSAY PROMPT:Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

We have been taught to stick up for righteousness, for justice, for equality, for the good. We picture ourselves as the protagonist in our life's story, the brave, and the altruistic hero that manages to overcome all obstacles and prevail against all the evil in the world. We paint ourselves a bright picture of how we will approach the world when we are older, of how we might save the day, only to find that making that right decisions is not as easy as the comic books have portrayed it to be.

Chi- shang was a girl in my class that has always kept to herself. Since elementary school she has been on the peripheral of the school's social life. Needless to say she was not the captain of the cheerleading squad or the student body president, but from my occasional interactions with her, she was a considerate and sensitive person. Unfortunately, in the tenth grade she was bullied on and publically humiliated by a group of senior. When I first became aware of the situation, I hesitated as to what I was supposed to do.

As a teenager, the pressure of fitting in in school, of being accepted, of wearing the right clothes, even saying the right words is overwhelming at times. Paradoxically, I tried to discover who I truly am, yet at the same time, I wanted to be like everybody else; I wanted to be labeled as a "mainstreamer" and from time to time, I could not figure out how to compromise the two identities. I did not always live up to my childhood expectations as the altruistic comic book hero who gives doing the right thing no second thought. For a couple weeks I persuaded myself that there was nothing I could do about the situation Chi-shang was in, for I was neither Peter Parker nor Batman. There was no way I could single handedly take down a group of gargantuan seniors. I was in a dilemma. I was terrified by the prospect of receiving the same treatment if I stood up for the boy, but I knew I was better than an indifferent person.

For a while I had convinced myself that everything would be alright, that the bullies would eventually stop until one day I found Chi- shang crying in the bathroom. Chi-shang told me that the situation only got worse as time went on. She was disheartened by the apathy of the world around her. She felt as if her world was collapsing, that there was nothing to live for. Her words had struck me hard. By turning a blind eye, I was no better than the bullies. I walked away even when I knew someone was drowning. It was then did I finally find the courage to face my conscience. I decided I would introduce Chi-shang to my friends. I would show the people around me just how awesome this girl was. Although it took some time, Chi- shang eventually won over my friends. My friends and I showed the bullies that Chi-shang was not alone, that there were people looking out for her. And the bullying ended.

Looking back, I now realize that my default to take action against the injustice was a nothing but cowardness. Temporizing is no better than actually inflicting, for not taking action equals tacit approval. Being a good person is not just acknowledging the injustice around oneself or feeling sorry for what happens, but to have the courage to stand up against the darkness. We often seek a superhero to come and save the day, but that only happens in science fictions. In reality, we have to be the light in the world we want to see.
daniel44992 13 / 29  
Oct 7, 2011   #2
Very awesome essay! I'm sure any college would love this so there isn't much I can do as far as content but there are some typo/grammar things I can help fix.

We have been taught to stick up for righteousness, for justice, for equality, for the good. We picture ourselves as the protagonist in our life's story, the brave, and the altruistic hero that manages to overcome all obstacles and prevail against all the evil in the world. We paint ourselves a bright picture of how we will approach the world when we are older, of how we might save the day, only to find that making that right decisions is not as easy as the comic books have portrayed it to be.

Chi- shang was a girl in my class that has always kept to herself. Since elementary school she has been on the peripheral of the school's social life. Needless to say she was not the captain of the cheerleading squad or the student body president, but from my occasional interactions with her, she was a considerate and sensitive person. Unfortunately, in the tenth grade she was bullied on and publicly humiliated by a group of senior. When I first became aware of the situation, I hesitated as to what I was supposed to do.

As a teenager, the pressure of fitting in in school, of being accepted, of wearing the right clothes, even saying the right words is overwhelming at times. Paradoxically, I tried to discover who I truly am, yet at the same time, I wanted to be like everybody else; I wanted to be labeled as a "mainstreamer" and from time to time, I could not figure out how to compromise the two identities. I did not always live up to my childhood expectations as the altruistic comic book hero who gives doing the right thing no second thought. For a couple weeks I persuaded myself that there was nothing I could do about the situation Chi-shang was in, for I was neither Peter Parker nor Batman. There was no way I could single handedly take down a group of gargantuan seniors. I was in a dilemma. I was terrified by the prospect of receiving the same treatment if I stood up for the boy (I thought it was a girl?), but I knew I was better than an indifferent person.

For a while I had convinced myself that everything would be alright, that the bullies would eventually stop until one day I found Chi- shang crying in the bathroom. Chi-shang told me that the situation only got worse as time went on. She was disheartened by the apathy of the world around her. She felt as if her world was collapsing, that there was nothing to live for. Her words had struck me hard. By turning a blind eye, I was no better than the bullies. I walked away even when I knew someone was drowning. It was then did I finally find the courage to face my conscience. I decided I would introduce Chi-shang to my friends. I would show the people around me just how awesome this girl was. Although it took some time, Chi- shang eventually won over my friends. My friends and I showed the bullies that Chi-shang was not alone, that there were people looking out for her. And the bullying ended.

Looking back, I now realize that my default to take action against the injustice was a nothing but cowardliness . Temporizing is no better than actually inflicting, for not taking action equals tacit approval. Being a good person is not just acknowledging the injustice around oneself or feeling sorry for what happens, but to have the courage to stand up against the darkness. We often seek a superhero to come and save the day, but that only happens in science fictions. In reality, we have to be the light in the world we want to see.
OP angela711819 1 / 3  
Oct 7, 2011   #3
thanks!!! I wonder why I typed boy in that sentence lol


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