A degree from the School of Engineering at Virginia Polytechnic and State University

In the future I aim to pursue a degree from the School of Engineering at Virginia Polytechnic and State University. Virginia Tech is the best fit for me. Located in my home state and ranked 13th in the nation, I'm confident VT will provide me with the best education, life skills, and experiences needed in order to have a successful career. While not certain on any specific engineering profession at this stage of my life, without a doubt I know I want to make a difference! My strength's have always been in math and science. I thrive in collaborative environments with hands on working and experimentation. The field of engineering is in high demand for our country; STEM programs (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) have continued to rise over the past decade. Now more than ever I feel that my innovation and creativity as a young woman will make a difference. I want to support the United States in becoming more internationally competitive in engineering, anything from new types of infrastructure to personal devices that will improve the quality of life for people world-wide. More importantly, my goal is that my efforts are beneficial to the environment as well as personally rewarding.

As a first generation college student in my family, this scholarship will give me the financial support necessary to pursue my education. My parents have instilled in me many great qualities, two of which are to go after what you want and give it your all. Throughout my four years of High School I have made the most of every opportunity; taken the most rigorous courses offered while being very involved in sports and organizations. I am a well-rounded individual with a passion for science and technology. Receiving this scholarship will allow me the privilege to continue to serve as a leader in my community and jumpstart my college education at Virginia Polytechnic and State University.

you should've mentioned the topic of the essay as well.. hard to comment on something when you don't know what's expected of the essay... anyhow i'm assuming this is an essay asking why you want to study engineering at VT. if that's the case, you should be more specific as to which programs in VT suits & interests you and why..and rather than merely stating that you've taken the most out of the opportunities, it's better if you can give an example where you took use of an opportunity to pursue an interest of yours or helped make a difference... others than that, it's well written as i see it.. good luck!

I hope you are not presenting this script the way it is written here, because your essay is not formal enough, i mean, you should abstain from the use of abbreviated words like the 'VT' or word contraction like 'I'm' and 'strength's'. Besides, I think there should be a comma after 'In my future'. Nevertheless, its great. :)

This is the topic that I am writing about...Your essay should reflect on your life goals and how this scholarship would assist you in attaining them.

Sorry about that, I guess that would have helped. ?Can you guys take another look and give me your input?

I am a well-rounded individual with a passion for science and technology. Receiving this scholarship will allow me the privilege to continue to serve as a leader in my community and jumpstart my college education at Virginia Polytechnic and State University

perhaps u should give the example to justify the point above? E.g, u active in basketball activity, taking part of any camp etc?
just my 2 cent

hmm in that case a nice structure would be>> tell them about an incident from your life that affected you alot. then go on and explain how that experience shaped up your goals and ambitions.. a bit about what you have already done towards achieving your goals.. and then connect how the scholarship would help you in realizing your goals..

in your case, it'd be good if you can start with how you developed an interest in the math/science field rather than just stating they have always been your strength. any incidents (if there are any) which gave you clear goals for the future.. a lil detail about what you have already done in order to prepare for studying engineering at VT.. like any enrichment programs, contests, workshops you took part in... or even better, things you did on your own, taking the initiative.. you have given a good description of your goals.. so i'd say explain a bit more about how the scholarship would help you... (i hope this essay doesn't have a word limit of about 300 words??)