"our democracy", Common Application Essay - Responding to a quote

Essay #2
Please respond to one of the following quotations in an essay of no more than 300 words.
It is not necessary to research, read, or refer to the texts from which these quotations are taken; we are looking for original, personal responses to these short excerpts rather than book reviews or book reports. Remember that your essays should be personal in nature and not simply argumentative essays.

"It seems to me incumbent upon this and other schools' graduates to recognize their responsibility to the public interest...unless the graduates of this college...are willing to put back into our society those talents, the broad sympathy, the understanding, the compassion...then obviously the presuppositions upon which our democracy are based are bound to be fallible."

John F. Kennedy, at the ground breaking for the Amherst College Frost Library, October 26, 1963

When I ask people around me what qualities are essential for a leader, they describe a good leader as charismatic, educated, independent, responsible, inspirational, determined and even ambitious. Certainly all these characteristics pertain to a leader, but I have a strong feeling that something vital is missing, making the picture incomplete, something, that makes a true leader stand out from the rest. What makes a good leader truly exceptional to me is their commitment to serving the public.

As John F. Kennedy wisely noted many years ago, school graduates bear the "responsibility to the public interest ". (Here I don't distinguish between a leader and a school graduate since the primary purpose of liberal education is to help us gain the same qualities as those important for a leader). To me this means that regardless of your career choice, in order to qualify as a TRUE leader, you should find a way to contribute to society. One of such ways for college graduates is use of their professional skills.

I'm not a college graduate yet, but I'm not going to wait until I become one to serve my society. Although I do not yet possess professional skills, I do have some knowledge and understanding of issues important for my community. That is why I choose to do community service and volunteering in my free time. I'm often asked why I am doing it, "as if I was made to do it". The only way I can explain why I'm doing it is because I enjoy it, and it not only helps me feel part of my community but also teaches true leadership.

First of all, I'll give you a personal opinion. I don't like essays which start with rhetorical questions. I think it is a very cheap way of attracting attention.

The first sentence of the second paragraph seems a bit disjointed from the rest.


I like this sentence.

When I refer to a word, I use " " marks:
When you hear the word "responsibility," what associations come to mind?
That is a very good sentence to hook the reader's attention!

I like this whole essay and see no errors. I like it that you tend to disagree with him and that you want to make it about "pleasure" rather than "responsibility."

Your discussion of a feeling of belonging made me think you might enjoy C.S. Lewis's book Mere Christianity.

Another thought I had was that the public interest includes many things. Therefore, conflicting interests can even be the public interest, and people's ideas of the public interest can conflict with each other. Therefore, it is a strange concept from the start!

You should state in the intro paragraph what it is that you strongly feel makes a leader not just good/satisfactory but truly exceptional. You leave the reader hanging by ending it with As I turn to almost any sphere for examples of a leader, I find proof to my doubts. State what your essay is about (the importance of leadership and public service) to YOU. Don't wait until the end of the second paragraph (where you only mention public service) or the beginning of your final para (the first place where you mention leadership.) Also, writing in positives creates a better impression than negatives.


The first part of the sentence does not connect to the second. Do you mean career is not important if you are an integral part of society. What do you mean by this (integral to what society, in what way?)


It would help frame your essay if you introduced your concept of leadership - that public service is essential to good leadership - and that YOU aspire to achieving that by giving some good specific examples of your community service.

The ending sentence also leaves me hanging.


Why does the question confuse you? Or is it that you have a simple answer to why you love volunteering - you simply enjoy contributing to society. This is more positive (than the word "confuse") and gives you an opening to include the leadership aspect you started out with, thereby making the essay more coherent.

You should read about 'servant leadership' and maybe mention it in the essay. However, it refers to something other than public service. It is a style of leadership.

One of such ways for college graduates is use of their professional skills. I think if you rewrite this in a simpler way it will be better! This sentence is a mess. :-)