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"Describe a challenge. How did the experience shape who you are?"



taquitolover64 1 / 1  
Jan 3, 2010   #1
Describe a time when you faced an academic or personal challenge. How did the experience shape who you are?

I stared blankly at the unmarked page before me. It haunted me. Ghost white and emptier than a vacuum. A paper was due the next day and all I had were scattered thoughts that didn't seem to translate into words. My stomach cringed and my face filled with pain and anxiety.

"Mari, you're a strong writer." My teachers would say, "Just learn how to manage your time." They made it sound so simple: start earlier. But didn't they understand that starting was the hardest part? It wasn't until my junior year that my Lit teacher, Ms. H, caught on to what was less of a lazy habit and more of an untamed anxiety.

After a couple of late papers, Ms. H approached me. "Mari, let's meet for your next paper. I want you to turn it in on time." In our meeting we brainstormed ideas. She sat pen and paper in hand translating all my fragmented gibberish into coherent sentences. After handing back my ideas, she told me to use what I had and just write. So I wrote. Eventually all my disjointed points evolved into lucid reasoning.

Writing each paper felt like hopping on slippery cobblestones to cross a river. I felt unsure and unstable. However, when I began getting papers back with praising remarks, an unfamiliar confidence bubbled up inside me.

My fear of writing continued to undulate throughout junior year. This year, however, I've learned how to be gutsy. Look at a blank screen and conquer it. Encouragement, practice, and time has made me stronger. Writing is no longer the enemy.

ekfoong 10 / 41  
Jan 3, 2010   #2
I stared blankly at the unmarked page before me. It haunted me. Ghost white and emptier than a vacuum I'm not sure if I like this metaphor. I wouldn't really associate this vacuum with the vacuum you're thinking of. I was thinking more or less of the cleaning machine :) . A paper was due the next day and all I had were scattered thoughts that didn't seem to translate into words. My stomach cringed and my face filled with pain and anxiety.

"Mari, you're a strong writer." My teachers would say, "Just learn how to manage your time." They made it sound so simple: start earlier. But didn't they understand that starting was the hardest part? It wasn't until my junior year that my Liti would expand it to literature teacher, Ms. H, caught on to what was less of a lazy habit and more of an untamed anxiety.

After a couple of late papers, Ms. H approached me. "Mari, let's meet for your next paper. I want you to turn it in on time." In our meeting we brainstormed ideas. She sat pen and paper in hand translating all my fragmented gibberish into coherent sentences. After handing back my ideas, she told me to use what I had and just write. So I wrote. Eventually all my disjointed points evolved into lucid reasoning.

Writing each paper felt like hopping on slippery cobblestones to cross a river; I felt unsure and unstable. I think you need to link these two sentences together because there is no explicit subject in the first sentence of the paragraph so by linking it I think it's more fluid and there is a clear identification that you were "writing each paper" and "hopping on slippery cobble stones" However, when I began getting papers back with praising remarks, an unfamiliar confidence bubbled up inside me.

My fear of writing continued to undulate throughout junior year. This year, however, I've learned how to be gutsy. Look at a blank screen and conquer it This is a phrase, not a complete sentence. :) . Encouragement, practice, and time has made me stronger. Writing is no longer the enemy.

This is a smart choice. The actual product of this story is highlighted: your writing! also, I get to see your writing style. I believe this is quite well written. As well, I could not find any obvious grammatical error.

I'd really appreciate it if you could return the favor :)


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