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describe educational interest(essay which needs comment)

tonydengcnu 23 / 17  
Dec 14, 2008   #1
I grow up in an open, equal and harmonious family. My grandfathers used to be in high positions in big enterprises; my father is a senior engineer in aerospace research; and my mother is a manager in a large state-owned enterprises. They offered me a good educational environment. Since my grandpa and mother have frequent chances to travel on business to foreign countries, they told a lot about foreign society and culture. This raised my expectation and longings for the outside world. This is why I am longing for overseas studies.

The junior and senior high schools I attended in Heilongjiang Province are famous for their high-quality instruction and strict displine. In the senior high school, I am quite good at math and keep my math score among the top five in my grade. I also like to discuss math questions with my teachers and classmates. As I remember, in one math class, I pointed out one mistake in the math final test and debated with the teacher for a long time. In the end, I justified my point by calculation and deduction. The office of math teachers spoke highly of my response and consequently changed the key to the final test. From this, I realize the learning of math is a pursuit of truth and we should speak out the truth as long as we know it.

I hope I can develop myself in full range, so I learned eurhythmics, drawing and Pipa (a Chinese traditional musical instrument). All of these experiences no only enrich my life but also improve my skills and temperament.

U.s. is the most economically developed country in this world, thus attracting millions of students who would like to follow finciacial and economic programs there. Many American universities not only have a long history but also have rich experience. In addition, the open and creative education also attract me quite a lot. As I know, University of Minnesota has successfully cultivated quite a large number of talents in various fields such as Nobel Prize winner, the former Federal Judge, the former Vice President and many CEOs. Therefore, I am eager to attend the program there and contribute to my country after graduation.

I am currently following an Accounting program and learning some fundamental courses such as math and economics. I hope I can follow a program in finance so that I can engage in investment or corporate merger. Since my country is in urgent need of this kind of talents, I am sure I will prove myself a great asset.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 14, 2008   #2
Overall, the content here is generally good. You might want to cut out most of the first and third paragraphs, though, in order to maintain focus on the math/accounting/finance area that is your main area of interest. The discussion of overseas training and drawing and Pipa breaks what is otherwise a fairly natural flow in an essay that moves between three closely related academic topics.
OP tonydengcnu 23 / 17  
Dec 14, 2008   #3
thanks, sean! I will reconsider the content carefully.

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