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UC Prompt #1 Essay: Describe the world you come from; Hollow

Schzarvette 2 / 5  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Prompt: "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Many teenagers take their parents for granted. When I walk down the hallways of school, I can hear students conversing about what was on television that night, relationship problems, or complaints about their parents. I find that I cannot relate to any of my friends when they complain about their parents. I always try to imagine or dream of having two parents to come home to every day after school to talk about my day, and to see their reactions to what I have to say. I missed out on those special and endearing moments a child shares with a father and mother. The absence of my parents in my life continues shapes me into the person I am today.

I am aware that it is not my parents' fault that they are not together or with me. When I was a year old, my mother had to go back to her home country, the Philippines. She wanted me to stay with her, but believed that life in America was a better alternative. By the time I was two, my father had already found a new woman but I cannot blame him for courting another woman. From then on, I lived with my grandmother, aunt, and cousins for most of my life.

At a very young age, I knew what emptiness felt like. Not the emptiness one feels as lunch nears; a sort of hollowness. At the mall or grocery store, I gawked and admired little girls with their mothers and fathers at their hands. I secretly envied my cousins when they held my aunt's hands too. I found that a big knot would form in my throat and my eyes would start to get hot. I would just put my hands in my pockets, and let my hands dwell in my longing to fill the void.

As I matured I gained a sense of responsibility, independence, and time management. I have also come to grasp that my grandmother and aunt have become my mother and father figures. Because my grandmother and aunt live in different locations, I constantly have to take my belongings from one place to the other. This taught me how to make lists and schedules to be more efficient with my time. I had to learn these habits on my own, but when it came to emotional or financial support, my grandmother and aunt would be there. They would always put me back on the right track.

My independence and ability to think for myself is owed to my parents' absence. I am eternally grateful for my grandmother and aunt's generous hearts for taking me in. ultimately I realized that the void would never be filled, but that is fine with me. It feels rewarding to look back and think to myself that I did not allow an imperfection to bring me down, but instead allowed it to teach me.
Emile786 2 / 12  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
I think this essay was good you explained your world and talked about how it changed you but you still need to talk about your dreams and aspirations!

other than that, great essay.
OP Schzarvette 2 / 5  
Nov 28, 2012   #3
Thank you so much! Do you have any suggestions about how I can introduce or weave in my dreams and aspirations in the essay? (placement?)
aleckdanielle 2 / 23 6  
Nov 28, 2012   #4
I would talk about how your grandmother and aunt became your parental figures more. Like give an example of a situation where they showed unconditional support and love towards you and include how successful you've become even though your parents weren't there. Try to condense the part about your parents as much as possible from first three paragraphs to one paragraph because they're not the ones who truly impacted you. Although its well written it doesn't answer the prompt properly I don't think. your grandma and aunt became your world so focus on that part more because i wanted to know more about it
aleckdanielle 2 / 23 6  
Nov 28, 2012   #6
Help me with mine please? I would greatly appreciate it

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