Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


'Describe the world you come from' UC Essay Prompt 1, Holiday in My Own Theme Park


Sabeel1908 1 / -  
Oct 29, 2013   #1
Here is my essay for UC application, please give me some suggestions to make it better or give out your opinion! Thank you!

Personal Statement #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Holiday In My Own Theme Park

I'm not growing in a wealthy nor an exclusive family who spend much money in a blink of an eye. I could say that my family is living luckily more than enough yet we still treasured money as much as we can. Despite that, my family has our own way to spend money on, it is Holiday.

Ever since my 4th grade in elementary school, my family often spend holiday overseas. Singapore was my first destination since it is the nearest with my country. I enjoy it so much because i thought i will not come back there. Therefore, I also put my eyes on a lot of things in Singapore, from their culture to their workers. From my first trip, i learn from my mom that it was her childhood dream to traveling overseas,due to lack of money, she feel so sad and has to keep it only as a dream. Because she doesnt want me to feel the same, she wants me to learn how the other parts of the world are working by traveling with our family.

In the next holiday, i went to Hong Kong, I eyed their tall buildings, busy shopping districts as well as lovely sceneries reflected in front of my eyes. Moreover, i was totally exciting to go to one of seven most famous theme park in the world, Disneyland.Although i am not able to play many rides due to the long queue, but indeed it was the best theme park i ever visited that time. I was more mesmerized by those big smiles over every person in that theme park, how they relax themselves from their daily life and take free times with their family, friends or even their mate. Somehow i started to dream about founding my own theme park.

Being overly attracted of pink color, plushies, and cartoon's character, which i found quite unique for a girl around my age, i always love visiting theme park. Especially after my Hong Kong trip, my dream to start my own theme park business someday is growing . Even during my free time, i unconsciously spending my time looking for the history of Disney Corp. and who are its founder.

Due to my love for theme park, I visited Universal Studio Singapore 2 months after its opening. I only play two or three rides and spend the other time strolling around, looking at which part of the place i or other people love the most. I come up with the stores as the most attracting spot at a theme park. After visiting two theme parks with diffrent style, i started to think about the concept of my theme park.

To make my concept more certain, fortunately i was able to visit Japan in my last holiday. There i visited both Universal Studio, Disneyland also Disneysea. Both are crowded with a lot of people from many countries, but all of them have a same intention, which is lookng for a reliever. I learn that a theme park's concept in every country is different, it is he result of the culture in the area blended with the character of their park. However, the purposes is always the same. For me, it is satisfying enough to see people coming to my place seeking for happiness.

What i love the most about my last trip is that it gives me more confidence on my own dream. I am more motivated to reach my dream, although it will not be easy for me to build up my own theme park, but i will try my best to be as close as possible to the place where i can learn about managing a theme park. Furthermore, someday i hope i will be able to give happiness to people who spend their holiday in my own theme park.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Oct 30, 2013   #2
I'm not growing in a wealthy nor an exclusive family who spend much money in a blink of an eye.

... wealthy makes exclusive redundant.
I don't come from a wealthy family that can spend money lavishly.

I could say that my family is living luckily more than enough yet we stilltreasuredtreasure money as much as we can.Despite that, my family has our own way to spend money on, it is Holiday.

.... "we still treasured money as much as we can"? Do you mean you value money a lot?
However, I could say that we enjoy life more than average, yet value money and spend it carefully in fulfilling our needs. "Holidaying" is one of our needs that my family has no two thoughts about spending for.


Home / Undergraduate / 'Describe the world you come from' UC Essay Prompt 1, Holiday in My Own Theme Park
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳