I've always desired of venturing off into the large cities: NYU Supplement

DrS 1 / 24

Dec 9, 2012 #1

Tell us why you have chosen the above campus (using a maximum of 700 characters-spaces and punctuation included). (NYU-NY CAMPUS)

Living in the quiet, suburban town of xxxxx, I've always desired of venturing off into the large cities. I wanted to experience the bustling city-life. After exploring New York and walking through NYU for the first time, I was awed by the myriad of skyscrapers that spanned the horizon. I knew I found my future home. NYU, located in the heart of NYC, is a place perfect for me. Its urban setting will allow me to attain a true taste of diversity as I partake in the cultural melting-pot. The limitless opportunities available in the international pub NYC, will give me knowledge that reading textbooks will not, and foster my personal growth as I interact with people from all over the world.

How is this? Do you feel I efficiently respond to the given prompt?

Thanks for all your help,
DrS

salehrama10 6 / 16

Dec 9, 2012 #2

Yes you did answer the question. But try to keep it all in either present tense or past tense, not both. Great story. Didn't really understand the last sentence. Try rewriting it in order to give a strong conclusion.

jaxball 4 / 10

Dec 9, 2012 #3

I don't know but it would be a smart move if you can implicitly include what you could bring to NYU - why NYU would want you. The writing is good though!

Pahan 1 / 1824

Dec 9, 2012 #4

But try to keep it all in either present tense or past tense, not both.

I agree. It gets confusing when that happens. You have answered the question accurately.

The limitless opportunities available in the international pub NYC, will give me knowledge that reading textbooks will not, and foster my personal growth as I interact with people from all over the world.

I felt as if the sentence was a little too long. Would be better to break it down I think.

jaxball 4 / 10

Dec 9, 2012 #5

I felt as if the sentence was a little too long. Would be better to break it down I think.

Aha I agree. Consult a SAT writing full score student! It's what you do in improving paragraphs :)

weeyizhi /

Dec 22, 2012 #6

Hi. Thanks for helping with my essay.
"Its urban setting will allow me to attain a true taste of diversity as I partake in the cultural melting-pot."
I found out that quite a number of people like to use "cultural melting-pot". Maybe you should consider changing them into another metaphor.

Other than that, I think you answered the prompt accurately. Your essay shows how you value diversity, but I think it would be better to add some passion into it.

Good luck =)