The alarm rings at 6 AM every morning, lethargically getting out of bed; she prepares breakfast for me and my sister. After we eat and leave for school, she would sleep for another two hours before repeating this process again, for herself. She comes home every night at 8 PM, but doesn't rest. She goes straight into cooking rice and making dinner for the family. After a tiring day, she faces the hot stove top and serves us the food without any complaints. After eating, she washes the dishes and cleans the table before finally resting to read her newspaper. She lets everyone shower before her, but by the time she goes, the hot water is all gone. Going to bed at 12 AM, she sleeps and repeats the routine again the next day. This is my mother, the most hardworking and caring person I've ever met.
My family immigrated to America from China twenty years ago but unfortunately, my mother was over-aged and wasn't allowed to immigrate with them. The next opportunity was in 10 years, so she stayed behind to watch over the house, and waited. My mother never graduated from grade school; she was always being counted on by the family because she was the oldest. She took care of her four younger siblings while her parents worked in the fields, trying to earn money. She did all she could to provide for her family, from cooking to cleaning to part time jobs. Thinking she would have a better life in America, she still struggled in this economy. Working 12 hours shifts as a seamstress and earning less than minimum wage, she never showed weakness. Her overprotective nature overshadowed the harsh reality before me; it wasn't until I got my first job that I learned how hard it was to make a living. I got her a knitted scarf for her birthday, her reaction was gleaming joy. When she didn't wear the scarf, I questioned her. She told me that she wanted to treasure my first gift to her and didn't want to ruin it.
From that moment, I knew that I will have to do everything possible to get into a great college and have a phenomenal career to provide my mom the great life that she never had. I promised her a condominium and my dad, a sports car. She became my influence for the motto: "You work hard to play hard." She has already shown her light down the road for me as far as she can; now it's my turn to light myself down the path of my future.
With the same determination my mother had, I will learn from my experiences and utilize them to achieve my goals. Planning my life ahead, I will graduate from a prestigious college and earn my Master's degree in Health Science to further build my career path in the Medical field. My desire to provide for my mother serves as my tenacity for success.
As much as I feel for you and as touching as this is, sob stories are very risky in essay writing.
#1 Choice for a topic about someone significant is "mom, mother, motherly figure" and it is overused as much as she might have impacted you.
Most admissions officers will start reading and think to themselves, "Another one of these essays."
I suggest either changing the subject or making it more about you (more than half the essay explaining why and how it impacted and continues to impact you).
Ok.... I guess this is about the person who has had a significant impact on you; right?
My family immigrated to America from China twenty years ago but unfortunately, my mother was over-aged and wasn't allowed to immigrate with them. The next opportunity was in 10 years, so she stayed behind to watch over the house, and waited.
Well... your mother is an important member of your family, isn't it? So these two lines tend to confuse the actual situation. I think here you need to be a little more descriptive as to say who and who migrated and at what age you were. It's a bit difficult to establish a link between you say in the first para with these two lines. I hope you would re-phrase these lines :)
Although touchy essays are risky, they can be moving and inspirational; they make an impact. however your essay's construction needs a little work. you write about your mother than you do yourself. think of it this way: you are advertising the wrong person
