Prompt: Topic of your choice.
Minimum of 250 words.
I've decided to write my Common App essay on diabetes in my family, and how it's broadened my knowledge of diseases and treatment etc...
My conclusion is a little weak...I need help with that.
All advice/criticism is welcome ;)
Thanks in advance!
As we sat in the cramped, overheated car you could tell by the look on his face that something wasn't quite right. His eyes, which were normally hazel and bright with emotion, were currently muddy brown and dull. He gazed off into the distance, staring at nothing, no one. "Hey are you all right?" I asked him. He turned to me, purple bags so deep under his eyes that they very well could have been etched in into his skin. He turned to me and scowled, facing forward a few seconds later. My stomach churned and I sat uneasily in my seat until we arrived at the restaurant. As we were making our way in he dragged his feet along the cracking pavement, beads of sweat running down his. His breath was shallow, the look on his face signifying defeat. As I made my way inside I was stopped by a gruesome sound; it was the sound of bone and skin against metal. I spun around, shocked to see my brother face first on the ground in the doorway.
I wish I could say that encounters like these don't happen very often, but that is not the case. Unfortunately, both of my younger brothers and my dad suffer from diabetes. Because of diabetes, my family members are prone to experiencing fainting spells, increased fatigue, irritability, blurry vision and unquenchable thirst. Although diabetes has set many limitations on my brothers and dad, it has supplied me with a profound knowledge of the disease, and a genuine concern for others who suffer from it as well.
Since I have to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions and aggressive actions from my brothers on a regular basis, I have become much more patient and understanding of people's feelings. Instead of being angered by a vicious comment, or annoyed by constant nagging and complaining, I learned to become more tolerant. Rather than instigating a worse situation, I follow the footsteps of The Beatles by "taking a sad song and making it better." I strive to make all people, especially my brothers, happy, because when one person is suffering, they tend to drag in everyone around them.
I'll never forget the time a few months ago when I was asked to run my neighbor's 9 year old daughter's birthday party. One of the boys there was diabetic, and was constantly being picked on by the other boys for having to take a shot every time he wanted to eat. Close to tears, he refused to eat his food around any of the other kids for he feared they would crack more jokes at him. I knew then it was my job to comfort him, not just because I was in charge of the party, but because since I had experience with kids with diabetes it was the right thing to do. I explained to him how I had two brothers in the same situation, and not to get down on himself just because a couple of boys were teasing him about it. He took my words to heart, and I could tell that in just the few moments I spent talking to him he already felt more comfortable in his own skin.
It's experiences like those that have furthered by desire to become a pediatrician. I have found I am able to connect with little kids on a personal level, due to the fact that I have younger brothers of my own. And ever since that fateful day 12 years ago when I found out my first brother Noah, was diabetic I knew I wanted to become a doctor to make him better. I always had the dream of 'finding a cure,' and after learning that my second brother Jacob was diabetic six years later intensified that dream. There's nothing worse than having to watch your little brothers constantly feeling sick, and having to give themselves a shot every time they want to eat or drink. I will do everything in my power to come up with a way to make them feel more at ease, and hopefully cured one day.
Though diabetes is a horrible disease that I would wish upon no one, I am grateful for the newfound insight it has provided my family and me with. It has taught me to remain calm in bad situations, given me the motivation to do good, and inspired me to pursue a career in pediatrics.
Minimum of 250 words.
I've decided to write my Common App essay on diabetes in my family, and how it's broadened my knowledge of diseases and treatment etc...
My conclusion is a little weak...I need help with that.
All advice/criticism is welcome ;)
Thanks in advance!
As we sat in the cramped, overheated car you could tell by the look on his face that something wasn't quite right. His eyes, which were normally hazel and bright with emotion, were currently muddy brown and dull. He gazed off into the distance, staring at nothing, no one. "Hey are you all right?" I asked him. He turned to me, purple bags so deep under his eyes that they very well could have been etched in into his skin. He turned to me and scowled, facing forward a few seconds later. My stomach churned and I sat uneasily in my seat until we arrived at the restaurant. As we were making our way in he dragged his feet along the cracking pavement, beads of sweat running down his. His breath was shallow, the look on his face signifying defeat. As I made my way inside I was stopped by a gruesome sound; it was the sound of bone and skin against metal. I spun around, shocked to see my brother face first on the ground in the doorway.
I wish I could say that encounters like these don't happen very often, but that is not the case. Unfortunately, both of my younger brothers and my dad suffer from diabetes. Because of diabetes, my family members are prone to experiencing fainting spells, increased fatigue, irritability, blurry vision and unquenchable thirst. Although diabetes has set many limitations on my brothers and dad, it has supplied me with a profound knowledge of the disease, and a genuine concern for others who suffer from it as well.
Since I have to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions and aggressive actions from my brothers on a regular basis, I have become much more patient and understanding of people's feelings. Instead of being angered by a vicious comment, or annoyed by constant nagging and complaining, I learned to become more tolerant. Rather than instigating a worse situation, I follow the footsteps of The Beatles by "taking a sad song and making it better." I strive to make all people, especially my brothers, happy, because when one person is suffering, they tend to drag in everyone around them.
I'll never forget the time a few months ago when I was asked to run my neighbor's 9 year old daughter's birthday party. One of the boys there was diabetic, and was constantly being picked on by the other boys for having to take a shot every time he wanted to eat. Close to tears, he refused to eat his food around any of the other kids for he feared they would crack more jokes at him. I knew then it was my job to comfort him, not just because I was in charge of the party, but because since I had experience with kids with diabetes it was the right thing to do. I explained to him how I had two brothers in the same situation, and not to get down on himself just because a couple of boys were teasing him about it. He took my words to heart, and I could tell that in just the few moments I spent talking to him he already felt more comfortable in his own skin.
It's experiences like those that have furthered by desire to become a pediatrician. I have found I am able to connect with little kids on a personal level, due to the fact that I have younger brothers of my own. And ever since that fateful day 12 years ago when I found out my first brother Noah, was diabetic I knew I wanted to become a doctor to make him better. I always had the dream of 'finding a cure,' and after learning that my second brother Jacob was diabetic six years later intensified that dream. There's nothing worse than having to watch your little brothers constantly feeling sick, and having to give themselves a shot every time they want to eat or drink. I will do everything in my power to come up with a way to make them feel more at ease, and hopefully cured one day.
Though diabetes is a horrible disease that I would wish upon no one, I am grateful for the newfound insight it has provided my family and me with. It has taught me to remain calm in bad situations, given me the motivation to do good, and inspired me to pursue a career in pediatrics.
