"Difference challenges assumption" - UMich admission eassy

Hi,i'm currently working on my application to U-M and this is my response to the prompt. Any suggestions on the content and grammar is greatly appreciated.

"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

"Difference challenges assumption" - Anne Wilson Schaef

Being a Singaporean male, I was conscripted into National Service (compulsory military service). As there are no exceptions to the enlistment act, all males from every walk of life was conscripted. So, it was not uncommon to find people from the widest variety of backgrounds. During the 2 years, I trained with the rich and the poor alike, lived with people of different races and worked with people with different religious beliefs.

When presented with the mission to attack an objective, my platoon came up with a strategy which took the enemy by surprise and enabled us to take the objective with ease. As everyone viewed the mission in a different light, we had multiple perspectives of the same problem which allowed all angles of the problem to be covered. It was our diversity that allowed us to break the constrains of our thinking to come up with an unconventional solution.

As one's thinking is often influenced by one's life experience, people from various backgrounds will have different views and opinions. Diversity in a community brings new perspectives and challenges the pre-existing assumptions. This broadens the thinking and encourages the generation of fresh ideas. Coming from a heterogenic society, I can add my unique identity to the college and hopefully, in the process, contribute to improving the learning experience. Just as my platoon benefitted from its diversity, I believe I will similarly benefit from the diversity I will encounter at The University of Michigan.

Btw,is a title necessary?

This is an excellent essay: Concise, to the point, and expressing exactly what the university wants to hear.

By the way, "every walk of life" is fine, but "was" needs to be "were" as the subject of the sentence is "all males."

Thank you for the helpful comments.


Can you elaborate further? I don't really get what you mean.

Would it be better if i change "every walk of life" to "all walks of life"?

Lastly,is it a must for me to include a title?

I meant why don't you just state that your thinking was effected by your life experiences instead.


That phrase just sounded funny to me but I guess Simone knows that this is legit.


I do not think that it is necessary.

Thank you very much for your time. your comments were very helpful

Hi.. I'm still open to any comments. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I don't have any more to say. This is a very strong essay. Probably, you're not getting many comments because forum members aren't seeing problems to correct.