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'different Hispanic cultures' - Discuss your short and long-term goals.



Bryangg 1 / 3  
Nov 20, 2012   #1
My way to my graduation has not been easy and each year which I have my effort and perseverance to reach each of my educational goals that have come to meet with much success. At the beginning of each school year I have always clear what I want to achieve.

I always had the desire to become and to be distinguishing in the list of the National Honor Society. My great effort in each year has given me the opportunity to get to one of my most important achievements throughout my school time. The great accomplishment of been invited to the National Honor Society has been one of my greatest achievements in all of my school years. A grand prize to the work that I have performed and an example that everything that I have given so far has been worthwhile and that all my work is giving a good start to my goals I want to accomplish at college and my life.

When I was invited to the National Honor Society I understood that everything that is done with great effort and tenacity you can get to meet what you want to achieve while I was giving my best, my dreams that I had begun to have each of them came gradually. Been highlighted by the work I have done and be with people who works as hard and thinks the same way to meet their goals makes me enjoy my time at school. Not only was I invited to the National Honor Society but also in Hispanic National Honor Society. I was recognized for my great performance in my Spanish class and my knowledge of my native language and the way I showed respect to different Hispanic cultures and giving me the opportunity to learn from others what is important to them.

Learning from different Hispanic cultures has been one of the greatest experiences I have come to have not only in my Spanish classes but also from the day I came to this country. All this I have come to full fill it was thanks to my parents, teachers who have always been there when I needed them the most and the desire I had to observe all the that I propose

dumi 1 / 6795  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
My way to my graduation has not been easy. ande Each year which I have my effort and perseverance to reach each of my educational goals that have come to meet with much success.

the word each is getting repeated; Also I split it to two sentences thinking that would help you improve clarity.

At the beginning of each school year I havewas always clear what I want to achieve.

I always had the desire to become and to be distinguishing in the list of the National Honor Society.

I always aspired to be in the Naional Honor Society and make a distinguish presence in that list.
OP Bryangg 1 / 3  
Nov 27, 2012   #3
Thanks a lot for checking my essay!
Besides this mistakes that I have to fix do you think I have others?
Again Thanks a lot
dumi 1 / 6795  
Nov 28, 2012   #4
Hi Bryangg,

Besides this mistakes that I have to fix do you think I have others?

I need to know the prompt to help you with this better. Make a habit to include the prompt/ topic when you make the post for the others to understand your purpose. With that we can give more relevant feed backs!

Awaiting your prompt! : )
OP Bryangg 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2012   #5
Hello Dumi,

I'm sorry I don't know if I understood, pretty much I have to ask them how they can help me to fix mistakes of my essay.

Sorry I'm new and I'm trying to learn from this first essay that I posted. I need to turn in this essay but I don't know if it's good and check my grammar.

Thanks
dumi 1 / 6795  
Nov 30, 2012   #6
I'm sorry I don't know if I understood, pretty much I have to ask them how they can help me to fix mistakes of my essay.

Well, what I suggested you was to post the prompt (topic or the purpose of your essay) for us to give you a better feed back. That's fine : )

Sorry I'm new and I'm trying to learn from this first essay that I posted. I need to turn in this essay but I don't know if it's good and check my grammar.

Sure.... Let me help you;

My great effort in each year has given me the opportunity to get to one of my most important achievements throughout my school time.

I suggest a slight change in organization of this sentence to improve its clarity;
My great efforts made me successful in achieving my goals during my school days.

The great accomplishment of been invited to the National Honor Society has been one of my greatest achievements in all of my school years.

As a result I have been invited to the National Honor Society, which I believe is the greatest achievement in my entire school career.

. A grand prize to the work that I have performed and an example that everything that I have given so far has been worthwhile and that all my work is giving a good start to my goals I want to accomplish at college and my life.

This sentence is very confusing and I cannot comprehend what you try to mean... If you explain it further, I can help you with this idea.... Also don't write too lengthy sentences because they tend to confuse the reader : )

Hope my comments are helpful! : )
OP Bryangg 1 / 3  
Dec 1, 2012   #7
Yes, Thanks a lot for all your help, this is what I needed :)
Thanks for checking my essay and it helped me so much


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