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"How diverse can our world possibly be?" - common app: last prompt on Diversity



jungcollege 2 / 5  
Oct 24, 2009   #1
Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

How diverse can our world possibly be? After all, we are all the same human beings, living under the same sky. However, after having lived in a foreign country for almost 5 years with all different types of people, I have my own unique perspective of diversity. Often, the meaning of diversity varies among people because everyone has different ideas and values. Usually, people believe that diversity promotes varying life styles and distinctive environments. However for me, diversity is a somewhat ironic statement, because it actually bonds people from different cultures together.

I am an active, outgoing high school student from South Korea, who lives in a dormitory with 50 other girls. Although I am only 17 years old, I am definitely sure that I have experienced more international relations with people than most others in the world. Before I came to study English at my current high school in the United States, I had lived in Canada for one and a half years. Removed from my home and my country, I experienced the sense of diversity for the first time. In a single household, I lived with two Koreans, two Chinese, one French, three Canadians, and one half-European baby. At first, I could barely speak English; therefore, everything seemed difficult and chaotic. But the hardest part was that I had to live with new people who were not related to me biologically. Often, I felt that the new host family would not love me as much as my parents had loved me. All the cultural differences, and my misunderstandings, gradually built up an invisible wall between us. But all these puerile thoughts, which now I realize, disappeared after my first car accident with my guardian, Caroline, on a Christmas break.

On December 23, 2004, I was on my way to Costco with Caroline to buy decorations for Christmas. With the twinkling lights on the street and a blithe Christmas atmosphere all around, I was more than excited. After shopping, we were heading back home, but unfortunately the highway was completely jammed. Our car was creeping through heavy traffic, and we were starting to get frustrated. This was only the beginning of our unlucky day. Suddenly, when we finally resumed speed at an intersection-BANG!-a car plowed into the left side of our car. I couldn't see or hear anything, because I was knocked unconscious. The moment when I recovered my consciousness, the car that collided with ours was gone; it was a hit-and-run accident. Then I realized Caroline's hands were on my chest. Soon, I could visualize the situation just as it happened, as though experiencing a flashback. Knowing that her own life would be at risk, Caroline sacrificed herself for me. In a flash, she threw her body onto me as a protection to keep me safe. Thanks to her, the accident left me with only a few scratches, but she was severely injured on the back of her neck. While accompanying her to the emergency room, I was ashamed to realize how immature and selfish I was to think cultural difference as a barrier to the relationships with people. Whereas I set a boundary between her and me, Caroline accepted me as a part of her family, not just as a "Korean girl." She loved me and understood me beyond the limit of cultural differences. Her affection and devotion toward me were, after all, the same as those of my mother.

After that momentous accident, my thoughts changed dramatically to a mature perspective. I now lived in a completely new house. With Caroline's help, I no longer had homesickness or longing for my own ethnic group. I was now able to get over the cultural barrier and accept them sincerely. The differences between us could have remained as a barrier that kept us apart. Nevertheless, we used these differences to bond us even closer. We were similar to a puzzle, or an orchestra, in a sense that we brought our unique identities together and created a greater harmony.

Going through a significant change or an accident is not the only way to learn a meaningful lesson. However, in my case, the truth and the importance of perspective came in a hard way. It took me a half of my childhood to realize and correct my prejudiced mind-sets against diversity, but I never regret the time I spent learning the lesson. Now I do not restrict myself from contact with others based on their race. Instead, I see that all of my friends from France, America, China, and Japan have an identical aspect deep down in their hearts: the desire and potential to unite together in a greater circle of diversity. Diversity has become a very important concept in my life. It allows me to learn new things from others and broaden our views of the world. As the circle of diversity expands in my life, I will talk to more people, meet more people, and have more various perspectives. Yet, I will seek for certain traits that we share in common and will play beautiful tunes with people in harmony. (854)

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
Cut the first paragraph entirely. It adds nothing to your essay. What is currently your second paragraph will do as an introduction. Your description of the accident in your third paragraph is really strong and gripping. Your conclusion is okay, though a tad predictable.

my first car accident with my guardian, Caroline

You enjoyed the first one so much you decide to have others?

"In a flash, she had thrown her body onto me as a protection to keep me safe."
OP jungcollege 2 / 5  
Oct 27, 2009   #3
thanks for the comment :D

But would taking the first paragraph out gonna really help the essay flow better?

I just don't know what to do.. I want a strong impression on my essay, but I'm not sure

if this essay has that ..

anyway, thank you so much for your help!
xoxovicki - / 14  
Oct 27, 2009   #4
I like the fact that you went to Costco. That in itself is just purely American. I really like this essay but there are so many repetitious parts that are unnecessary and keep the first paragraph but shorten it. Too many unnecessary words once again.
OP jungcollege 2 / 5  
Oct 28, 2009   #5
thanx for your comment :D
I am trying the change my essay right now ~~

please let me know what you think !
iram 1 / 4  
Oct 28, 2009   #6
i like it its pulls in the reader but i have to agree u go off topic a bit in the first paragraph.


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