Hey guys I just wrote this essay for my application. I am hoping to send it in by tomorrow.
Please tell me if you think i answered the essay question and what you think of the essay.
I need some criticism ASAP. Any help would be appreciated. I WILL RETURN FAVOR
Thanks people.
here is the essay question:
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
here is the essay:
Diversity
Skin color and race are two issues that have been continually used in the United States of America to oppress people. There is not a single person who is able to choose what race they are and, therefore, such segregation should be eliminated in all our institutions. In the Seventh grade, my history teacher decided to discuss the diversity that exists among the various groups of people in the United States. As the discussion began, the conversation started to turn towards racial stereotypes. My history teacher held the belief that some stereotypes were true. When asked to substantiate, he gave an example that Black and Spanish people are more violent than White people are, which is why there are so many of them in prisons. After he gave this example, I began to refute his claims. I told him that a person's skin color has nothing to do with how violent they may be and that entire races cannot be judged by the actions of a couple people. I explained why such claims were misconceptions developed to oppress black people and other races. I explained how the claims were developed in the past, when racism was a big social problem in the society and thus should not be given any chance in the 21st century.
I explained how people from all races need to be given equal opportunities in educational institutions. I gave an example to my class of how when I was in the fifth grade I moved to a new town and consequently went to a new school. Here I was shunned by the entire school, students and teachers alike, because my skin tone was a different color. They believed that I was inferior to them just because, I am of Brazilian descent and my skin color is not white. However, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I kept my head up high and continued to work hard in school. Soon enough I proved that there are no differences of intelligence between white people and people of other races, when the school received our MCAS scores and I had received the highest MCAS score in my entire grade. After sharing this experience with my classmates, I insisted that diversity should be used to enhance understanding and act as a source of knowledge among the people instead of using it to divide or oppress some groups.
I believe that no one should ever feel like a minority in a community, because we are all alike, regardless of sexual orientation, religion, political views, social class, and intellect, and that in the end we are all human beings socially capable of love, hate, guilt, happiness, jealousy, hope, fear, and sadness. These experiences have given me the confidence and courage to help people see others of different backgrounds in a different light. I hope to go to a college where diversity is used to bring growth and development in the society.
Please tell me if you think i answered the essay question and what you think of the essay.
I need some criticism ASAP. Any help would be appreciated. I WILL RETURN FAVOR
Thanks people.
here is the essay question:
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
here is the essay:
Diversity
Skin color and race are two issues that have been continually used in the United States of America to oppress people. There is not a single person who is able to choose what race they are and, therefore, such segregation should be eliminated in all our institutions. In the Seventh grade, my history teacher decided to discuss the diversity that exists among the various groups of people in the United States. As the discussion began, the conversation started to turn towards racial stereotypes. My history teacher held the belief that some stereotypes were true. When asked to substantiate, he gave an example that Black and Spanish people are more violent than White people are, which is why there are so many of them in prisons. After he gave this example, I began to refute his claims. I told him that a person's skin color has nothing to do with how violent they may be and that entire races cannot be judged by the actions of a couple people. I explained why such claims were misconceptions developed to oppress black people and other races. I explained how the claims were developed in the past, when racism was a big social problem in the society and thus should not be given any chance in the 21st century.
I explained how people from all races need to be given equal opportunities in educational institutions. I gave an example to my class of how when I was in the fifth grade I moved to a new town and consequently went to a new school. Here I was shunned by the entire school, students and teachers alike, because my skin tone was a different color. They believed that I was inferior to them just because, I am of Brazilian descent and my skin color is not white. However, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I kept my head up high and continued to work hard in school. Soon enough I proved that there are no differences of intelligence between white people and people of other races, when the school received our MCAS scores and I had received the highest MCAS score in my entire grade. After sharing this experience with my classmates, I insisted that diversity should be used to enhance understanding and act as a source of knowledge among the people instead of using it to divide or oppress some groups.
I believe that no one should ever feel like a minority in a community, because we are all alike, regardless of sexual orientation, religion, political views, social class, and intellect, and that in the end we are all human beings socially capable of love, hate, guilt, happiness, jealousy, hope, fear, and sadness. These experiences have given me the confidence and courage to help people see others of different backgrounds in a different light. I hope to go to a college where diversity is used to bring growth and development in the society.