hi everyone) please feel free to criticize this essay, i wrote it on my break, so it's not well done(. please let me know what you think of this rough draft
Life is a very curious thing and we never know where it might lead us after we choose a certain road. Four years ago, when I just came to the USA, I didn't even consider on staying here, but here I am. It took me four long, challenging years to understand that life has to be different, changing in direction of progress and development. Back home, in Russia, I always lived by a scheme, not much concerned about my future, which was taken care of by my relatives. However, today, when I have experienced some challenges and went through different experiences on my own, I see how important it is for an individual to express himself through a higher level learning.
College is the transitional point that can take you to the destination only if you want to, and that destination point for me is establishment of my personality through becoming a valuable part of the society. College educates, teaches cognitive, critical thinking which is so important for a human being in a modern, drastically changing world. I want to learn how to ask right questions and see the world with the new eyes, comprehending its complexity and diversity. I want to change my social position, thus stop working on the jobs that don't require anything, but physical-no thinking labor; I want to see how far can I go academically and at least try to learn "how the heavens go".
I was dramatically influenced to go to college by one of my coworkers, a doctor, who herself went through tough times and was motivated to improve her living. She made me see the difference, that I didn't see living in the boring, unchanging routine. In the past, only few chosen ones could go to colleges, but today, it has become more available for us and I don't want to live my life without trying this challenge. I don't want to wake up one morning, look in the glass and see how pointless and insufficient my life has been, and that I never took any action on altering it.
It looks fine to me. I am not sure about US colleges (maybe others will correct me), but shouldn't you specify a bit what kind of subject you would like to study in college, what you want to "major" in when you finish?
This is the kind of sentence that needs "had."
Four years ago, when I had just come to...
had... just come to...
the USA, I didn't even consider on staying here, but here I am. ---Coo!
College is the transitional point that can take you to the destination only if you want to get there, and that destination point for me is the establishment of ...
...and at least try to learn "how the heavens go".----Very cool. That is a worthy aspiration. :-)
Here is an idea for you, only if you like it. I think you have a nice writing style.
She made me see the difference between success and mediocrity, and I didn't need to live in the boring, unchanging routine.
:-)
