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"I Want that Dot!"; Common App - influence from a historical figure


natangesh 1 / 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
Hey!
This is my Common App essay topic: Option #4. Describe a historical figure an influence on you, and explain that influence. Please critic me harsh because I am not really happy with this essay. Plus, I am having trouble correlating the last three paragraphs.

And if you need me to critic yours, just say so. THANKS!!

"If you get an ovation, I'll buy you a gelato," my bored friend whispered to me.

After two hours of clichĂŠd speeches at the Model United Nations (MUN) conference at Genoa, Italy, I felt dispirited. We could have been discussing world problems in detail, but instead we were abandoning discourse for empty rhetoric.

"Alright," I replied. The gelato fortified my goal to give the best speech in this conference. Plus, I couldn't possibly refuse the offer. After all, we were in Italy - the land of pasta and gelatos. My mother's

Filipino cuisine is exquisite, but for me, Italian gelatos are special. Gelatos are nonexistent in Burkina
Faso where my family lives.

"I'm going to get that gelato," I resolved.
Confident, I walked to the podium to give my speech. Standing in front of the other delegates, I was suddenly reminded of an inspiring diplomat - a Filipino legend named Carlos Romulo - who taught me to value the small and simple but meaningful things.

During the birth of the United Nations' (UN) official seal (which depicts the world), Romulo noticed the Philippines' absence on the seal. He asked US Senator Warren Austin, who headed the seal design committee, "Where are the Philippines?" The Senator replied, "If we put in the Philippines it would be no more than a dot." Carlos insisted, "I want that dot!" Today, if you look at the UN seal, there is a tiny dot in the South China Sea.

Thinking about it, the UN seal did not need that dot, but Romulo believed that it was worth fighting for because it symbolized a nation of more than 90 million Filipinos. I have come to believe that the little elements can symbolize and contribute to the greater good. It is only when the dots are all put together that you see the big picture. Like Romulo, I want to fight for the little things. Like Romulo, I want to be that annoying person who presses for the "trifle details." It is the little stuff, when put together, that strengthens the chances for success.

When I was preparing my speech for the conference, I initially tried to think of an innovative and complex solution to ensuring primary education in developing countries. After interviewing my peers, teachers, parents, and Foreign Service workers, I realized that a single complex solution to ensuring primary education or other world challenges doesn't exist. It is only through small but meaningful acts that the larger causes are won. As Romulo insisted for that insignificant dot, I must also insist on the details.

On that day at the Genoa MUN conference, I told a story of a boy I met in Burkina Faso. Igor lived under the poverty line - living under a dollar a day. However, due to small programs such as "sponsor a child" (in which a person(s) sponsors a child's education in Africa), he was able to obtain an education and is now top of his class. I told the story of one individual, a dot compared to the masses of children in Africa. But his story represents more than just another poverty story; he symbolizes the success one can make when one focuses on the small but meaningful acts.

Not only did I gain the respect of the other delegates, I won my gelato. The little stuff counts.
Salikron 5 / 21 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
I love your beginning and the content. The narration is pretty touching.^_^
Perhaps you can work on the conclusion thought. That;s just my opinion. :)
Overall, the essay is good enough. ^^
Can you please look at me? >//<
OP natangesh 1 / 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
Thank you. Yes, the ending paragraphs definitely needs revision. If you have some suggestions, please do share more.
enigma33 2 / 44 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #4
I really enjoyed reading your essay and this is coming from a guy who hates MUN. I really am against people writing about their MUN experience in their PS as I feel it is too generic but kudos to you for taking something so ordinary into a good essay. The only thing I would fix though is try to go more into your personality towards the end.

Hope I helped and I would really appreciate it if you looked over my princeton supplement.


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