The Dream Addict-Boston University Supp.

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

Determined, hard-working, leader, smart, innovative, sociable, reliable. The perfect scholar. Everything any college could ask for, and probably 99% of the responses to this particular prompt. So why would I spend my one chance to make an impact on your decisions basically rewriting an essay you've heard thousands of times? I'll save the monotony for another time and tell you who I really am. I am different. I am a dreamer, and I am ready.

Who am I? Since middle school I have been searching for an identity that has only become apparent over these past few months. I've mingled with the gothic kids, played sports with the jocks, studied with the bookworms, and even played videogames with the sci-fi addicts. All throughout my search a revelation of sorts became apparent to me. I have come to find that the labels and names by which people are categorized in mean absolutely nothing. I wasn't searching for who I was. Instead I was becoming the person I am today. What I believe makes me so different is my numerous perspectives from all types of backgrounds.

Dreaming is an addiction I have. It's something that has become a necessary part of my life, without which I would have no guide to my future. However, if you were to ask me what I want to do as a profession, I would not be able to tell you. Being a dreaming addict has opened my eyes not only to the infinite potential and limitless possibilities I possess, but also the responsibility required to take hold of my dreams. Dreams do come true and mine will not be an exception.

I am ready for life to begin. No word could better describe the confidence I have in myself. In a few months I will take that leap edging closer to the real world. All of the extracurricular activities and academic achievements could never show exactly how I feel about my transition into college. Of course I am intimidated by the thought of moving halfway across the country for four years of my life, but I will not allow my fears to stand in my way.

I'll bring my unique perspectives and dreams to the Boston University community. My diversity will find comfort in various connections and friendships I will make. Hard work to the best of my ability is what I will give back to the community, and nothing short of it. If accepted I would also immerse myself in the Boston culture and community not only to get familiar, but to help make it better in any way I can. Give me the opportunity I will succeed at whatever I set my mind to. My dreams will become a reality.

Punctuation and grammar correction would be greatly appreciated. Any other feedback regarding my ideas, transitions, or any suggestions at all would help me out a lot!

ambitious much?


revelations of sorts? what are those? I thought revelations appear a certain times, not throughout...what about this revelation is one of sorts? it's a good one though


I count 8. I WANT 3. why 8. because you can't help but place 8? it fits w. the rest of you essay somewhat. but it's hanging on a limb.


pluralism confusing. what backgrounds? those jock/geek/freak groups? maybe...but those are not backgrounds, those are groups of people who have different ideas


sounds very dreamy.


If you're so dreamy...how are you ready? Make a split connection between being ready and being a dreamer. most dreamers seem like air-heads. show how YOU are different. I'm not saying all are, but what makes you so certain you aren't? tell about that.


the end of this sentence is odd. comma after leap?


what is diversity? misuse of a word?


phrasing is odd in both parts. start with I will give back to this community to the best of my ability and will give nothing short of hard work.?


what DREAMS? pray tell...what big idea? if it's helping people, say. if it's curing cancer, say! if it helping Boston become an underwater city, say! or not :X haha. but be more specific.

Comments: Strong voice, a tad too strong. You stand out because of it, but it sounds a bit too much fluff and not enough real substance once you break it down into what you REALLY have to offer. not prosaic, but does not abide by the prompt...dreaming too much? or just being ambitious...good luck Adam!

Determined, hard-working, leader, smart, innovative, sociable, reliable -- the perfect scholar.

I recommend addng that dash in order to connect the 2 sentences so that you avoid the sentence fragment.
Wait a minute! I just noticed that it is still an incomplete sentence! Okay, no, that is too much, so... you should add a predicate to that sentence.

Actually, I am thinking that this intro -- about ot anting to bore them with the same old stuff, is actually quite common! this strategy of telling them that you are not going to write the same old stuff is actually more of the same old stuff. I recommend starting this with the interesting sentence:

I'll save the monotony for another time and tell you who I really am. I am different. I am a dreamer, and I am ready. Who am I? Since middle school I have been... I scratched out that stuff bout being a dreamer, because right after telling them you are not going to tell them the same old thing, you tell them about being a dreamer and whatnot, which is sort of like doing what you said you were not going to do. "dreamer" could be on that list you started with.

So... I recommend writing about the subject of study that is most interesting to you and suggesting that what you will contribute is your enthusiasm for this area of study and your excellent example of proactive schcolarship. Show what you know!

:-)