Dream Comes True! [My choir experience-APP ESSAY for Japan Intl Uni]

Please help me to reviews my essay. I'm not sure whether this one is good enough, please give me comments regarding this topic. I still need to tighten up the words maybe. Thanks for your help :D

Please write about any commendable experiences that you have.

I was at my 7th grade when I joined my school's choir. I never think that small step I was taking could turn my world 180 degrees. It shapes me into a completely different person. I was a totally plain person who lived in a very simple world back then. Everything is flat. Thus, I joined the choir audition hoping it could give colors to my toneless life. And it is.

Become a choir member is not easy. I thought that what I need to do was just singing, but it was wrong. My first choir competition is totally a big mess because the members can not get along well. Since then, we got the character building lesson. We learned about teamwork and solidarity. As time pass by, my choir team became very solid and it gave a good impact to our performances as well. That time, we shared a big dream; we want to be the world's champion!

It started by small performances and concerts. Then, we joined national competition and became the champion. We also join some international competitions. In 2010, we joined the most prestigious choir championship: World Choir Games. The process was very tough. We practiced three times a week after school. We skipped many classes. Assignment piled up. I have to do exams which materials I didn't even understand. Moreover, I didn't take any courses. In holidays, we practiced choir for hours. At the top of my frustration, I suddenly realize that later in real life, I will not focus doing only one thing either. I will face different things that I must handle as well. I decided to take this process as a lesson for me. I commit to myself that I must confront everything wisely. In the end, I can do my best in choir while maintain my good marks. I learned to manage time precisely.

It turned out that all the hard work was not in vain. We become the champion of the world. For many months, I struggling hour after hour each day and it was all paid off. It was all over and I had no regrets. I become a more mature person with full of confidence through choir. This is the new me, who ready to excel challenges, and with my tenacity, I believe I can do anything.

I was in grade seven when I joined my school's choir. I never thought that such a small step could turn my life upside down. It turned me into a completely different person. I was an ordinary kid who lived in a very simple world. Everything was flat. Thus, I auditioned for the choir, hoping it could give colors to my monotonous life. And it did.

Becoming a choir member was not easy. I thought that all I needed to do was singing, but I was wrong. My first choir competition was a big disappointment because the members could not get along. Since then, we took character building lessons. We learned about teamwork and solidarity. As time passes by, my choir team became very solid and it positively influenced our performances as well. Together, we shared a big dream: we wanted to be the world's champion!

It all started by small performances and concerts. Then, we joined national competition and became the champion. We also joined a few international competitions. In 2010, we joined the most prestigious choir championship: World Choir Games. The process was very tough. We practiced three times a week after school. We skipped many classes. Assignments piled up. I had to take exams on materials I didn't even understand. Moreover, I didn't take any courses. In holidays, the choir team practiced for hours. On top of my frustration, I suddenly realized that later in my life, I won't focus doing only one thing. I will face different things that I must handle as well. I decided to take this process as a lesson for me. I said to myself that I must confront everything wisely. In the end, I could give my best in choir while maintaining good marks. I learned to manage time efficiently.

It turned out that all the hard work was not in vain. We became the world champion. For many months, I struggled hours after hours each day and my efforts all paid off. It was all over and I had no regrets. I became a maturer person with high confidence, all through my experience with the choir. This is new me, who's ready to welcome challenges, and with my tenacity, I believe I can do anything.

You have many mechanical errors. But your story is fantastic! Your choir must be awesome :)

Thank you so much for helping me. It's really helpful for me :))