'dreams as big as oceans'; I wrote this statement of purpose for an exchange application

I'm a girl with dreams as big as oceans. My areas of interest include politics, international relations, human rights. My parents wanted me to be a doctor but I was into politics unlike most children my age. When I spoke to my school friends about current affairs, they would get bored. "Why are you interested in something as boring as politics?" "Do you actually watch those boring news bulletins?" is what I used to hear.

But since I like challenges, I opted for premedical at inter-level in college. I literally took it as a challenge. After getting done with inter, I made up my mind to study journalism because this field allows you to express yourself. My parents supported my decision. I aspire to be a journalist because: My country is in a mess right now (extremism, intolerance, misogyny), I want to fix it. And I think one can do it better by staying out of the system and doing something to fix it (being a journalist) rather than becoming a part of it (by joining politics). Also, I hate the fact that there are hardly any neutral media houses left in Pakistan. I want to play my part in changing that.

Getting a chance to study abroad is one of the best opportunities a student can ask for. American universities excel in research department and practical knowledge, therefore if I spend some of my time studying in the US it would certainly help me in achieving my career goal.

Hi Ailia, while it is nice that you wanted to share your information about being a pre-med student in college, it is really not that necessary when writing your statement of purpose for your interest in studying journalism. You can mention that you were a pre-med student but it should not take up more than a sentence or two in your essay since it is not relevant to your interest in journalism.

In my opinion, you should use your limited word space in depicting the reasons why you wish to pursue your studies in Journalism. So the most relevant part of your essay that you can turn into your introductory paragraph is related to the following:

I'm a girl with dreams as big as oceans. My areas of interest include politics, international relations, human rights.

After that part is stated, you can continue to create the purpose of your studies in Journalism with:

I aspire to be a journalist because: My country is in a mess right now (extremism, intolerance, misogyny), I want to fix it...

All of the above mentioned sentences will comprise your introductory paragraph. Don 't forget to write a transition sentence that will help introduce your next and final paragraph, which will deal with the reasons why you chose to study Journalism at this specific university. Discuss what you hope to learn, gain, and develop during your time there.

I don't think that you need to write more than 2 paragraphs for this since it is an exchange program application. Just make sure you mention what you hope to contribute to the university in exchange for the knowledge and training that you will be gaining from them. If you can post your revised essay here, I do believe that we can continue to revise it until it becomes perfect enough for submission. I hope to read the revision soon.

HI Ailia, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.

- I'm a girlperson ( this word is more mature and professional ) with
- dreams as big as the oceans.

- Butand since I like challenges,
- I optedfollowed their suggestion and embarked a new journey towardsfor premedical
- at inter-level in college. I literally took it as a challenge.
- After getting done withcompleting inter- level ,
- I aspired to be a journalist because:,m y country
- Also, I also hate the fact
- therefore if I spendingsome of my time studying in
- the US it would certainly help me in achieving my career goals .

This are my contribution towards the enhancement of your essay. I hope it helps.