This is my 150 word essay about my extracurricular activity. Please be critcal. Any input will be helpful. It is at 150 words. Thanks!
"Becoming an Eagle Scout isn't so much about knot tying or wilderness survival. It's about facing challenges and learning leadership skills," my Dad had told me more than once.
On my trail to Eagle, earning my Swimming Merit Badge was the toughest challenge I have encountered.
Camp Thunder Ridge sits on a mountain at 9,000 feet in Brian Head, Utah. The mountain lake, used for water activities, was extremely cold. Other campers tried to swim in the lake on the first day, but gave up. I braved 6 days of hour-long swim sessions, in freezing, numbing water. After each session, I'd have to walk the mile back to my camp site, shivering, cold and wet. Many times, while treading water, or swimming laps, I thought about quitting. But, I didn't.
After earning this merit badge, by enduring those difficult conditions, I learned, through perseverance and determination, I can accomplish anything.
This is my 150 word essay about my extracurricular activity. Please be critcal. Any input will be helpful. It is at 150 words. Thanks!
delete that
Becoming an Eagle Scout isn't so much about knot tying or wilderness survival. It's about facing challenges and learning leadership skills," my Dad had told me more than once .
I think you should tell more about yourself but not what your father said or others did
I agree that it would read better without the first sentence, but since it's about the EC, a similar general statement fits in there - something you think about Scouting or earning the Eagle Scout rank.
I really like your description of the merit badge. I can visual it and understand why it was so difficult. I'm left feeling impressed with you, which is what you want!
But, your last sentence could be much stronger.
After earning this merit badge, by enduring those difficult conditions, I learned, through perseverance and determination, I can accomplish anything.
I don't really like the statement that "I can accomplish anything" because it's not true. The paragraph needs to end with a really nice statement about how this challenge prepared you for something or you were surprised by how you met that challenge, you had more in you than you thought you did before you faced this challenge, etc.
Good luck.
