I'm having trouble picking an essay for the Common App. Which one do you like better? Also, the first is a little over the word limit. If, as you're reading, you can pick out delete-able sentences, please let me know. :-) All other corrections are welcome, too. Thanks for reading!!!
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Last September, Mr. Shimmon began leaping from the corner of one desk to another. Vault, spring off, vault, spring off. He gets two desks in two seconds. What other teacher would have put on a frenzied show to teach his students about the carefully calculated impulses of the body's neurological action potential?
From Day 1, I knew the class would inevitably instill in me a love of psychology. Yet, it wouldn't be until later that I would realize: Mr. Shimmon's inexhaustible passion for his work taught the most important lesson of all.
As a first-generation Chinese-American, I have always been taught to see education as a pre-professional experience. My parents preach practicality, periodically reminding me of the viability of a career in pharmacology. I don't accuse them of not wanting me to be happy and well-adjusted; it's the opposite. In their view, a well-paying job necessarily equates with happiness. It's understandable; my parents used to farm for a living and they want me to be financially secure.
My parents' ideals have helped me become the self-motivated and hard-working person I am today. But those qualities alone do not adequately define me. Mr. Shimmon's approach to education -not a contrasting approach, but a different one- has been necessary to imbue my sense of self with a love for open inquiry. Ever mindful that the educational process matters as much as the outcome, I continue on my path with a balance of pragmatism and love for learning.
At this age, I have infinitely more questions than answers. What will I major in? Will I ever reconnect with my childhood dream of being a part-time ballerina, part-time veterinarian, part-time astronaut? The most important question of all: Who will I be? I want the answer to be: a thoughtful, caring individual who approaches my life with passion, zest and the same amount of energy that Mr. Shimmon expended on that day in September.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I am a food snob. I like to grill my fresh figs, topping them off with sprinkles of brown sugar. But I cannot resist Cheeze-Its, ever. I enjoy psychology books; I also enjoy self-help books thinly veiled as psychology books. I love my beautiful city of San Francisco. I use humor in my Yelp.com reviews of my favorite places in San Francisco- Strawberry Hill in Golden Gate Park, Good Earth Cafe, and the SF Botanical Garden. For the longest time, I put off reviewing Cayuga Park, an unassuming gem, beautiful because of its obscurity. I love to sing, but I can't say I'm very good at it. I love whispering along with folk songs or belting musical numbers. I'm not too shy to sing to others, but I sometimes worry that their ears will fall off. It bothers me when people don't use both sides of a sheet of lined paper. We have a collective responsibility to choose the world we live in, and I wish more people assumed this responsibility. My favorite person on this planet told me that, as a young adult, he had contemplated starting a magazine to publish news of good deeds done by others. I thought this was a great idea. It makes me ineffably happy when people choose sometimes thankless jobs like teaching, because they know that unruly kindergartners can, and often do, become amazing adults. My friends tell me my taste in clothing is predictable and boring. If I am admitted to Tufts, you'll be able to tell me if they are right. I prefer having a couple of very close friends to having a large network of semi-close friends. I have a very long list of mockumentaries that I'd like to see. My second favorite person on this planet has been to New Zealand, India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Guatamala, Ghana, Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda. He majored in Sociology and claims Pangaea as his home. When he sent me an email about the sights and sounds of India in narrative style, the prose left me breathless. I think I'll start a travelogue of my own experiences, starting with college.
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Last September, Mr. Shimmon began leaping from the corner of one desk to another. Vault, spring off, vault, spring off. He gets two desks in two seconds. What other teacher would have put on a frenzied show to teach his students about the carefully calculated impulses of the body's neurological action potential?
From Day 1, I knew the class would inevitably instill in me a love of psychology. Yet, it wouldn't be until later that I would realize: Mr. Shimmon's inexhaustible passion for his work taught the most important lesson of all.
As a first-generation Chinese-American, I have always been taught to see education as a pre-professional experience. My parents preach practicality, periodically reminding me of the viability of a career in pharmacology. I don't accuse them of not wanting me to be happy and well-adjusted; it's the opposite. In their view, a well-paying job necessarily equates with happiness. It's understandable; my parents used to farm for a living and they want me to be financially secure.
My parents' ideals have helped me become the self-motivated and hard-working person I am today. But those qualities alone do not adequately define me. Mr. Shimmon's approach to education -not a contrasting approach, but a different one- has been necessary to imbue my sense of self with a love for open inquiry. Ever mindful that the educational process matters as much as the outcome, I continue on my path with a balance of pragmatism and love for learning.
At this age, I have infinitely more questions than answers. What will I major in? Will I ever reconnect with my childhood dream of being a part-time ballerina, part-time veterinarian, part-time astronaut? The most important question of all: Who will I be? I want the answer to be: a thoughtful, caring individual who approaches my life with passion, zest and the same amount of energy that Mr. Shimmon expended on that day in September.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I am a food snob. I like to grill my fresh figs, topping them off with sprinkles of brown sugar. But I cannot resist Cheeze-Its, ever. I enjoy psychology books; I also enjoy self-help books thinly veiled as psychology books. I love my beautiful city of San Francisco. I use humor in my Yelp.com reviews of my favorite places in San Francisco- Strawberry Hill in Golden Gate Park, Good Earth Cafe, and the SF Botanical Garden. For the longest time, I put off reviewing Cayuga Park, an unassuming gem, beautiful because of its obscurity. I love to sing, but I can't say I'm very good at it. I love whispering along with folk songs or belting musical numbers. I'm not too shy to sing to others, but I sometimes worry that their ears will fall off. It bothers me when people don't use both sides of a sheet of lined paper. We have a collective responsibility to choose the world we live in, and I wish more people assumed this responsibility. My favorite person on this planet told me that, as a young adult, he had contemplated starting a magazine to publish news of good deeds done by others. I thought this was a great idea. It makes me ineffably happy when people choose sometimes thankless jobs like teaching, because they know that unruly kindergartners can, and often do, become amazing adults. My friends tell me my taste in clothing is predictable and boring. If I am admitted to Tufts, you'll be able to tell me if they are right. I prefer having a couple of very close friends to having a large network of semi-close friends. I have a very long list of mockumentaries that I'd like to see. My second favorite person on this planet has been to New Zealand, India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Guatamala, Ghana, Kenya, Tanzania, and Uganda. He majored in Sociology and claims Pangaea as his home. When he sent me an email about the sights and sounds of India in narrative style, the prose left me breathless. I think I'll start a travelogue of my own experiences, starting with college.