Why Economics and Psychology for a Vietnamese student? - Brown University Supplement

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1000 characters)

As a Vietnamese student, I had to specialize in an academic track since early years of high school. This rigid approach compelled me to consider a liberal arts education in the US. During my college search, I attended Ms. Panetha Ott's presentation...

Here is my revised version. Let me know what you guys think.

Soon after entering 6th grade, I was immediately required to pursue a specialized track in English. This narrow approach has compelled me to consider a liberal arts education to acquire broader perspectives. During my college search, I became interested in Brown after attending Ms. Panetha Ott's presentation in Hanoi. Her description of the school took me to the peaceful hills of Providence despite never having set foot in New England. However, what truly spoke to me was her portrayal of Brown students as "architects of their own education" thanks to the school's Open Curriculum. After having had to adhere to a rigid, government-dictated syllabus for most of my life, I welcome the opportunity to take courses in my areas of interest. More importantly, I wholeheartedly embrace the responsibility of forging a new academic path that holds meaning to me, and above all empowers me to make a difference inside and outside of the classroom, in my community, and beyond the hills of Providence.

(1001 characters)
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Please help me cut down on the length. Let me know what you guys think of this draft. Thanks every one!

...I had to specialize in an academic track since early years of high school. -I specialized in an academic track early in high school.

...education in the US .

...but it would also allow me to explore the link between these and other fields, which I have done in my spare time . -try making that sentence stronger (I think it can be done)

I hope that my choicesI believe Brown University will empower me to make a difference in my community, inside and outside of the classroom, and long after departing from Providence. -I changed it around. If you don't like it, well definitely change it to what you will what do not leave it to where it was before because the original sounded a little off.

Also if you still need a reduction in characters, then this sentence:

More importantly, after having had to adhere to an inflexible education, I feel exhilarated to have the freedom and responsibility of forging a path that holds meaning to me. -the beginning with the inflexible education came out of nowhere (reference this part with a "in the past" or something) and the second part of the sentence can definitely be shortened.

Its a good draft that throughly answers the questions. Now you just need to straighten out some parts and simply

Okay I see your point. Thank you so much for your feedback, I will see if I can strengthen my essay accordingly to what you said. =)

Her description of the school enabled me to experience the peaceful hills of Providence despite never having set foot in New England.----I made a small change so that the sentence is structured a little better. It is better this way because it improves theclarity of the second part of the sentence.

You write very well. I think you should add a detail or two about your goals for the next two years. Show that you set goals and have a specific plan.

I think you will like Providence! Even if you dso not go to Brown, there are many other schools in Providence, and the city has a cool personality. Check out the water fires and the giant mall.