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"Brown is a place to look to." - Brown University Supplement


Metrol 2 / 11  
Jan 1, 2011   #1
I am finishing up my Brown supplement, and if there's any substantial error, let me know.

The first time I thought of applying to Brown was in my sophomore year when my school friend who was then in his senior year and accepted to Brown hosted me for Christmas break in his house. He was a school president and played varsity sports, so I have high regards for his achievments. Since a person of such accomplishments decided to attend Brown, I thought to myself, "Brown is a place to look to." Also Brown is a worldly renowned university and back in my country, I heard about Brown University as one of the Ivy league schools.
saroth 11 / 47  
Jan 2, 2011   #2
The first time I thought of applying to Brown was in my sophomore year when my school friend who was then in his senior year and accepted to Brown hosted me for Christmas break in his house. He was a school president and played varsity sports, so I have high regards for his achievments. Since a person of such accomplishments decided to attend Brown, I thought to myself, "Brown is a place to look to." Also Brown is a worldly renowned university and back in my country, I heard about Brown University as one of the Ivy league schools.

I'm sorry if I ruin it, but here is a re-write in my style:

I was halfway through my sophomore year and Christmas Break couldn't have come any sooner. A friend of mine, who was actually a senior at the time, invited me to spend the holidays at his place. It was during these two weeks my interest in Brown was sparked. My friend was the class president and also great athlete, so I had a lot of respect for him. He told me about how he was inspired by Brown and the shock he had felt to be accepted. He continued to tell me about the amazing professors, the diverse community, the research opportunities, and the educational dedication of the Brown Bears. My friend had truly inspired me and for the past two years I have learned a lot about Brown, and I am continually fascinated by this marvelous institution. I am confident that by working hard, I may proudly say "I am a Brown Bear!"

--> I don't know how long your break was, but I just said two weeks. You should add more personalized stuff about how Brown meets your needs. If you want to be a engineering major, quickly mention that by talking about a cool engineering research project they have at brown or something. Overall, good job and these are my edits, and It may seem like a lot but I just reworded yours and got stuff from the prompt (which you shoudl have posted). I checked and this is still under the 1000 character limit on the Common App. Good Luck and please read my Illinois and/or my Cornell essay. Thanks! I'll come back if you still need help. And i'm sorry if this is rude, but are you an international student? and if yes from where? just curious hehe :)
OP Metrol 2 / 11  
Jan 2, 2011   #3
Thank you very much for your feedback. i feel much better now that I had so many people like you edited my draft. Deeply appreciated and I will totally incorporate all of your modifications.
saroth 11 / 47  
Jan 3, 2011   #4
No problem, could you please read my Cornell and/or my Illinois Essays #2 (especially this one because its 102 words over the limit) Thanks and I'm really glad I could help.


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