Unanswered [2]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


Education interruption Common App response



hopefulsckid 2 / 2  
Jan 14, 2012   #1
Alright, yet another portion of writing that needs editing/feedback. Please be as honest and brutal as possible! And if it matters, I am a prospective Sociology major applying to USC.

2. I didn't attend ASU during the Spring 2011 semester because of two chief reasons. My financial aid was delayed for so long that I couldn't attend any classes for that semester. I decided to deal with this interruption in my educational career constructively and I accompanied my expatriate father to Angola. During this time, I was immersed in a fusion of Portuguese and Central African culture. I stayed in Luanda, a city where poverty and privilege existed in close proximity together. Even though we lived in the richer part of town, I still saw many examples of poverty and destitute on the city streets. I frequently ran into children as young as 10 operating boats and driving taxis. With the help of a guide, I managed to have conversations about their plight, their fears and their lives. These engaging conversations made me appreciate how fortunate I was to live in America, where opportunity is plentiful. Even after I stumbled in my earlier educational years, I am given ample opportunity to redeem, challenge, and engage myself. Although I felt that the short time I spent there wasn't nearly long enough, it affected me positively and I have renewed dedication to both aiding those in need and realizing my full potential, if only for those who don't have that chance.

asburyceline 5 / 12  
Jan 14, 2012   #2
Spring of 2011
I decided to deal with this interruption in my educational career constructively and Ibyaccompaniedaccompany my expatriate father to Angola

not a bad essay. but talk more about the poverty and how you felt and maybe what you would like to do or have done to change it :)
brutal1231 2 / 2  
Jan 14, 2012   #3
Asburyceline finished all of the correction. Anyways, nicely done.


Home / Undergraduate / Education interruption Common App response
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳