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Education: Essay regarding "Issue of personal importance to you"


hellstrider 2 / 2  
May 27, 2010   #1
Please help me take a look at how i could improve.
Thanks for all the help rendered in advance!
Cheers

When i was young, i was terrified of going to school, i would plead and beg and parents to not send me to school. I could not keep up with the syllabus, and i was afraid of asking question for it might make me look stupid infront of my friends. My fear of studies grew with each passing day, i distinctly remember the day when i eventually broke down emotionally infront of the school gates. Amusing stares and jeering remarks only made the situation worse, i wanted to ran away and i did.

Soon after, my mother caught up with me, she said nothing and brought me home. She sat me down at the kitchen table and talked to me, her calm demeanor was in stark contrast of her fiery nature. It was also the first time that we really had a talk as mother & son, she thought that it was important for me to keep up with the Singapore education.

So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday. Even though she was poorly educated, she would try to make an effort the learn the subjects beforehand and then teaching it to me. During that fateful week, i was awoken by the lights coming from the study room, i went across to take a sneak peak and saw her reading my text books and making notes. A mixed bag of feelings overwhelmed me, i wanted to tell her that i would study hard; i wanted to tell her i am really sorry; i wanted to tell her to rest. That night, i cried myself to sleep and this moment changed my life forever. I tried to become more proactive during classes, asking more questions and requesting help from my teachers, coupled with my mother's lessons, my grades improved.

I grew not to be afraid to ask questions and will ask for help whenever i need it. I would tell myself that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength, because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something and that, then, allows you to learn something new.

The importance of education is often neglected in times of turmoil, particularly war, my parents were born shortly after Post-war Singapore. The educational system was destroyed in Singapore. At that time my parents were only able to attend primary school as the country was still under reconstruction. Due to the circumstances, my parents had to work to support their families instead of going to school. It was unfortunate that they did not have a proper education.She would often say "I did not have the opportunity to go to school because i have to work to support my family, but you have all the time in the world to learn so i hope you will treasure the chance."

My generation was fortunate to have a more organized and qualified educational structure then previous generations. My parents had emphasized the importance of having a good education because they know that their lives would be very much better if they are given the same opportunities as i am. Having the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, the best schools in the world, and none of it will make a difference unless we fulfill our own responsibilities , showing up in schools;paying attention to teachers;listening to our parents and putting in the hard work necessary to succeed.

We can be everything we want to be, a scientist, maybe good enough to create the cure for Cancer. A writer, maybe good enough to write articles or essays in the worldwide publications. An innovator; maybe good enough to create the next iPhone. But all this might not have happened if we did not partake in the science project or the English composition that the teacher had asked us to do.

Education is really of importance to me as it not only entails my own life and my future. What our generation could make of our education will decide nothing less than the future of this country.

regards,
weekee

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 28, 2010   #2
Here is a run on sentence:
My fear of studies grew with each passing day; I distinctly remember the day when i eventually broke down emotionally infront of the school gates. Amused stares and jeering remarks only made the situation worse, i wanted to ran away and i did.

I fixed that run on sentence with a semi-colon.

I changed amusing to amused. "Amusing" means they stared in ways that might make people laugh, but you mean to say they stared while feeling amused.

Capitalize that letter "i" when you use it to mean "you"

Keep the verbs the same:
she would try to make an effort the learn the subjects beforehand and then teach them to me.

Hey, I see that you make some mistakes, but your sentence structure is very sophisticated. You write just as well as anyone who grew up speaking only English.

Watch out for verb tense mistakes:
they know that their lives would be very much better if they had been given the same opportunities as i am given.

No need to capitalize cancer.

Use complete sentences with both subject an predicate:
As a writer, maybe one can be good enough to write articles or essays in the worldwide publications. As an innovator, maybe one can be good enough to create the next iPhone.

:-)


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