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"Education, school kids, classroom" - issue of importance admission

anthony1993 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2010   #1
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Throughout the world one thing is constant, that an education can get you where you want to go. I am lucky that I have the chance to learn and study because there are others throughout the world that do not have the opportunity to obtain a basic education. The issue throughout the world is that people cannot reach their potential because they do not have a proper education.

Being in school for all these years is the best thing that can happen to someone like myself. School has helped shape me into the person I am today, and my wish is that all people throughout the world had the chance to be educated. The world today is full of turmoil, terrorism, and corruption but if a kid just had the chance to be schooled, he or she would be able to get past all that and make their life a success. If educating children was everyone's main priority, it would help eliminate the disorder in society.

With kids not being in school, it leaves them in the streets, out in the open for whatever and whoever to take them. Most young people throughout the world can be brainwashed into doing wrong, and committing crimes. On the other hand, school not only provides a place to learn math and science but it is also a place where a person can gain common sense about the world, and develop their personality. While it can teach a person about the outside world, it protects them from it as well. When I am sitting at my desk, no matter the problems I am having at home or anywhere else, my main concern is to take in what the teacher is saying and writing. Everything else just gets lost in my head and I am relaxed. Not every person is like that but when a person is in school, to an extent they are taken away and protected from all the chaos in the world.

The classroom is something special that, sadly, not everyone can be a part of. If more people were to be educated, the world would be a much better place. There is no way to end the mischief going around the world, but it is possible to minimize it. With more people getting educated, more good will be done in the world and more people will be able to reach their potential. Going through school and obtaining an education should be something available to all. Its lead me to where I am today but, it should be available to more kids around the world and help lead more people on the path to success.

HarvestBristle 6 / 11  
Nov 13, 2010   #2
Very inspirational. However, I think you should develop the topic a bit more. Add some details about how illiteracy has affected society. Also, I think it would be wise if you thoroughly explained what you are planning on doing about illiteracy. I really liked it!

Good luck!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 24, 2010   #3
Way too much use of the word throughout in that first para.

The way you wrote the first paragraph makes it seem like you have nothing new to contribute to the conversation. Every sentence is simple and obvious until you get to this interesting one:

If educating children was everyone's main priority, it would help eliminate the disorder in society.

If you reread the essay, I think you will agree that you are "stating the obvious" with every sentence until you get to this one. This sentence expresses a unique idea: reforming society by coordinating everyone's effort for a common objective, which is education. Now THIS is a good, interesting concept.

But do not allow yourself to state the obvious If more people were to be educated, the world would be a much better place.


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