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'Education cannot be taken from you' - HOWARD PERSONAL STATEMENT



angiepie 2 / 3  
Jan 4, 2012   #1
i ALSO NEED HELP CHOOSING A TOPIC. wHAT TOPIC DO YOU FEEL WOULD BEST SUIT THIS ESSAY. dOES THIS ESSAY FLOW TOGETHER? TELL ME WHAT YOU GET OUT OF IT.THANKS!!!! :)

Howard University is interested in you as a person, as well as how you think and express your thoughts. Please submit with your application a 500- word essay on a topic of your choice. If you wish, you may also submit a resume of your academic achievements and extracurricular activities.

How has education affected you?

My grandfather, an educator for over 30 years, has always told me that your education is one thing that cannot be taken from you. Therefore it is valuable, should be taken seriously, and not for granted. Being raised solely by my grandparents for the first 7 years of my life has had a great impact on me and the choices that I have made. It is no coincidence that their positive influence continues to shape the person I am today. Since my mother had me at 17, my grandparents stepped in to raise me while she went to college to pursue her undergraduate degree and then on to earn her master's degree. As a child, I was able to watch my mom make the difficult sacrifice of leaving me in the capable hands of her parents, so that she could achieve her educational goals and provide a promising future for me. It is because of her sacrifice that I have been able to stay focused and handle a rigorous curriculum while pursuing dance and having a part time job. I realize the importance of education because of the values that my family has instilled in me; and since mediocrity has never been an option, I have always tried to put my best foot forward.

As an ambassador for my high school and community while reigning as Miss Pebblebrook , I sought to find the qualities of an effective leader. In this role, I served as a mentor to young ladies and spoke to them about time management, etiquette, public speaking, and how to best present yourself in an interview. These are skills I learned as a sophomore by participating in the "Saturdays with My State Representative" Program led by Georgia State Representative, Alisha Thomas Morgan. This program was instrumental in showing me that a leader has integrity, is confident, and serves as an inspiration to those around them. I immediately used my interviewing skills to apply for a job at Chick-fil-A restaurant, where I have been employed for the past 2 years. By working part-time and being in school, my time-management skills are of the utmost importance in succeeding academically.

In closing, I feel that Howard is a place where continuing my education will allow me to empower and motivate others to do the same. My devotion to education is a trait that has given me strength to take hold of my dreams and pursue them no matter what.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Jan 5, 2012   #2
Hi :) Nice work on your paper, you write well, and sound intelligent and mature.
I can help with a few things:

My grandfather, an educator for over 30 years, has always told me that your education is one thing that cannot be taken from you.
Excellent beginning to your paper. you may want to change this: you say "educator, education" in one sentence-- find a synonym to replace one of the education words.

Since my mother had me at 17, my grandparents stepped in to raise me while she went to college to pursue her undergraduate degree and then on to earn her master's degree. Wow! '"since...had me" --you may want to change the way you say this phrase.

As a child, I was able towatched my mom make the difficult sacrifice of leaving me in the capable hands of her parents, so that she could achieve her educational goals and provide a promising future for me.

As an ambassador for my high school and community while reigning as Miss Pebblebrook , I sought to find the qualities of an effective leader.
"I sought to find..." could sound better if it was re-phrased... maybe "I was confident that I could learn the qualities of effective leadership."

Nice paper, I hope these things help. Good luck in school!
aroj93 1 / 3  
Jan 5, 2012   #3
Hi there angiepie,

I think your essay is excellent! Like the comment above stated, you surely seem intelligent and mature. In addition to that, I think you bring some great things to the table such as your passion for learning and then using that to then teach others. Although you did expand well on those things, I would perhaps expand just slightly on your attribute of, "making people around you better". Many applicants such as myself all speak about how hard we work, but maybe if you touch upon how you used that work to impact others, even in the slightest of fashions (just a sentence or two), could help round you off as the extraordinary person you already seem to be, judging by your essay!

All in all I think it's a very good essay. Grammar is fine, I can't find any awkward phrasing and the vocabulary is up-to-par. Nothing stuck out at me and I usually find that if I have to search for errors than the work may end up too complex. Great job!

Please review my paper below that I intended on submitting today but I don't think will happen :( Good luck with your admissions!
DinoSawyer 4 / 5  
Jan 5, 2012   #4
Very good essay, can't really find anything wrong, but maybe you could elaborate more on a few activities instead of small parts of all


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