Please is this essay okay?
Prompt: Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what your goals were, what you did to pursue them, the results achieved, and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)
Being one of the two students that were asked to represent our school in Junior Engineers and Technicians (JET) competition hosted by Lagos state ministry ministry of education. My goal was to promote the name of my school and set standards for the eminent and current students as it was towards my high school graduation. In pursuing this goal, I backed up the representation call with studying, usual night reading and practising of questions to broaden my knowledge.
[...]
Adeyemi, the essay is alright but can be better. I believe that in the portion where you explain how you prepared for the contest, you should do more than just you back it up with studying and practice reading. Specifically mention the topics that you concentrated on learning and how far advanced your reading went. Lessen the narrative about the contest venue and the other students present. Instead, explain how you used the allotted time properly. I ask you to do this because your title mentions that you learned about time management specifically.So you need to pay closer attention and mention greater details about that aspect of the competition. Forget the word count. You always need to go over the word count in your first draft because you need to mention greater details before you can edit and reduce the word count properly.
Vangiespen, here is the modification. I deleted the side you said I should delete and I added what you suggested. But it is above word count 233/200. Is the addition okay? What else can I delete to reduce the count?
Being one of the two students that were asked to represent our school in Junior Engineers and Technicians (JET) competition hosted by Lagos state ministry ministry of education. My goals were to promote the name of my school and set standards for the eminent and current students as it was towards my high school graduation. In pursuing these goals, I backed up the representation call with studying and usual night reading. I spent more time covering almost all the topics in my physics textbook and I borrowed different physics textbooks from my friends to strengthen my competence.
On the scheduled date, my other mate and I went to the venue. We were accredited and pulled to an auditorium, where we wrote the first stage examination for the competition. The examination was stated for individual, lasted for two and half hours and covered questions from most parts of in-depth calculating topics in physics. In beating the little time allotted, I started with the questions I found comfortable solving and skipping the ones I found challenging for a recheck. Before we were asked to submit I had already covered eighty percent of the questions.
Fortunately, after three weeks I received a text that I was short listed among the best twelve in the competition. Although, I crashed out in the second stage of the competition but my participation taught me the effectiveness of time management.
- I participated in the individual part of the competition which lasted for two and a half hours. Each question required problem solving skills under time pressure. I looked over the questions and decided to solve the easy ones first so that I could solve the harder ones with time to spare for double checking my solutions.Through proper time management, I was able to answer eighty percent of the questions before time ran out on me.
Double check the word count, I believe you are within the limits now :-)
Vangiespen thanks very much. :) I really appreciate your helping hands.