This was my essay for the activity part on Commonapp. Is that OK to write like that? I'm an international student so I hope someone can help me check the grammar and phrases. Thanks. ^^
Prompt-Please briefly elaborate one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (1000 characters)
Elder care has never been my concern until I involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders. I was assigned to an 87-year-old man called Ye Feng, who had severe hearing loss.
The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV. Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his sit and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness. When asked about his family, Ye grabbed over a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face. Though Ye's daughter visited Ye occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself. He lived a miserable life filled with loneliness and depression.
Ye's case made me aware that eldercare is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through. The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who had made so many sacrifices for us.
Prompt-Please briefly elaborate one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (1000 characters)
Elder care has never been my concern until I involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders. I was assigned to an 87-year-old man called Ye Feng, who had severe hearing loss.
The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV. Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his sit and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness. When asked about his family, Ye grabbed over a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face. Though Ye's daughter visited Ye occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself. He lived a miserable life filled with loneliness and depression.
Ye's case made me aware that eldercare is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through. The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who had made so many sacrifices for us.
