'Elder care' - Elaborate One of Your Extracurricular Activity

This was my essay for the activity part on Commonapp. Is that OK to write like that? I'm an international student so I hope someone can help me check the grammar and phrases. Thanks. ^^

Prompt-Please briefly elaborate one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (1000 characters)

Elder care has never been my concern until I involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders. I was assigned to an 87-year-old man called Ye Feng, who had severe hearing loss.

The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV. Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his sit and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness. When asked about his family, Ye grabbed over a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face. Though Ye's daughter visited Ye occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself. He lived a miserable life filled with loneliness and depression.

Ye's case made me aware that eldercare is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through. The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who had made so many sacrifices for us.

Elder care had never been my concern until I became involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders.

The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV.---This is a great sentence!

Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his feet and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness.

When asked about his family, Ye grabbed for a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face.

Though Ye's daughter visited him occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself.

Ye's case made me aware that elder care is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through.

The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who have made so many sacrifices for us.

:)

I like this essay. Maybe say 87 year old man NAMED Ye Feng just to make it a little more human. Also "tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness" is a little awkward. Try something like "tried to hide from the cold in his overcoat", or " hid in his overcoat to fend of the cold". The hid himself into, due to coldness is a lot of extra fluff.

thank you ^^