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Employee Boss Relationship--- UC personal statment prompt #2

zhoudongzhou 5 / 16  
Sep 1, 2009   #1
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I had been working in a book store for one year when I was in San Francisco. My position was the storage manager of the book store. The job responsibility was to count and put the data relate to the number of the books into a computer when the new books were coming and the books were taken out from storage. It also required making an arrangement for all books according to their classifications. At the first day I started working in the book store, my colleagues reminded me that I needed to be very careful to deal with the relationship with boss (my colleagues and I call her "Mrs.Shi") because her temper was irascible. Previously, many people who were working at my current position could not endure the temper of Mrs.Shi and resigned by themselves in first three months after start working. The boss had very bad evaluations for them. Actually, I had the same feeling that it was hard to deal with the employee boss relationship with Mr.Shi at the beginning of several weeks. For example, Mrs.Shi would feel angry even though I missed counting one book. She took care about how clean the storage was very carefully even though I thought I have made the storage clean enough. But such difficulties did not prevent me to be successful in the end. When I must leave the book store because the working place of my father was changed which result in a house moving, Mr.Shi hoped me to keep working in the book store and left me a high standard evaluation .After I resigned my job, I made a summary about how I was changing and then having a good employee boss relationship. First, I tried to talk with Mr.Shi during the closed time of the book store. That made my employee boss relationship closer than the beginning. I got more detail about the working requirement from Mr.Shi. In addition, I tried to make some gifts for my boss at some special days such as her birthday which made Mr.Shi have a good feeling for me. Last of all, I kept hard working and good personal character. I always started my working earlier and left the book store late. Also, I was an honesty person. I never cheated my boss. The biggest concern my boss told me that she was very nervous for the cheating because some previous employees had stolen some books from the company but never told her the fact. My good personal character and hard working attitude were the main reasons Mr.Shi thought I was different like some other employees and trustable. These three actions I had done were the key to make me have a good relationship with Mr.Shi when I ended up with my job. I thought this working experience was very important to me because this was the first job through my personal life. I learned how to deal with employee boss relationship through this experience. I felt proud not only because I won the good evaluations from my boss but also I showed my good personal character and improved some of my other characters. I am a person who is honest on every person and everything. But I am not very outgoing and having humors. Through this job, I try to become more outgoing to communicate with my boss. This job really trained me to become more talkative with others than before. I am happy that I have had this working experience.

Note: For every one here, I really feel sorry about my poor and bored writing skills. I have had my personal experiences for both UC personal statement prompt. I just want to write more to improve my draft and any suggestions will be appreciated.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 1, 2009   #2
Good essay!!! I enjoy it!!!
OP zhoudongzhou 5 / 16  
Sep 1, 2009   #3

Come on,can you make any useful suggestions???
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 1, 2009   #4
If you want useful suggestions, then why don't you try and make some for some other people's essays instead.
Clearly, you disapprove of those meaningless five words with a few too many exclamation marks. Think what other people thought about your supposed 'feedback'.
OP zhoudongzhou 5 / 16  
Sep 1, 2009   #5

I am sorry about that because I am afraid to give others wrong suggestions. So I just can talk about what I am feeling for the essay I have seen.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 1, 2009   #6
I am sorry about that because I am afraid to give others wrong suggestions.

^How can there be a wrong suggestion?
A suggestion is a suggestion, and it is up to the person who receives the suggestion to determine whether it is wrong or right. Also, on this site, if people disagree with your suggestions, people can, and will, comment and offer their opinions.

Now that you know, perhaps you can go back and give detailed suggestions, and make your feedback on other people's essays as detailed as the feedback you would like on your own.
OP zhoudongzhou 5 / 16  
Sep 1, 2009   #7

OK. I will revise my suggestions and try to give more detail information for the author.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 1, 2009   #8
Sounds like a cool plan
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 1, 2009   #9
Yeah, you don't have to be an expert on writing to contribute. You can always just write from the point of view of reader instead. What parts interested you? Why? What parts did you dislike? Why? Try to be as helpful as you can, and people on this site will reciprocate when reviewing your own work.

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