Empty state UCF personal statement, obstacle in personal or academic life

I still remember the empty feeling in my chest as I hesitantly explained to my mother the condition of my mental state. Depression. She cried for me, worried as any mother would. It ate at me as I sat lonely in my room after telling her how I felt, feeling pathetic for pitying myself when others have problems weighing much more heavily on them than my own. I had no reason to not want to live and be happy. I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and a mother who loves me more than life itself. So why did I still feel so empty?

My mother has always done everything she could on her own to ensure that I had everything I needed to be happy. My mental state weighed heavily on her, dragging her into a depression of her own. I realized, if I could not be strong for my mother neither of us could get better and be happy. I thought about my future and what I could do to overcome my state of mind. I was determined to work hard and pull myself from the depths of my depression. School and my grades became my number one priority, setting a goal to get into college and educate myself was my savior. With determination I have defeated depression, and so has my mother. I will continue to persevere and reach my goals of going to college and creating a healthy, happy life for myself and my mother.

I can help you with your essay. After the first sentence, I would form another sentence. Ex: "I told her it was...". This will help the reader to follow the story better. Place a period after room. In this sentence you could also use "bothered" rather than ate at. The next sentence needs to be revised:" After telling her how I felt, I pitied myself and felt pathetic."

You should form a new sentence to discuss how you thought about how others may experience more difficult problems than you. I would suggest changing the next sentence to: " I had reasons to live and be happy." I suggested this change because you list reasons in the next sentence. Also, replace roof over my head with "home or place to live".

2nd paragraph- 1st sentence: You can either place a comma after could and own or delete "on her own". 3rd sentence: Delete the comma after realized and place a comma after mother.

- It atecreepsaton me as...
- ...feeling pathetic for pitying myselfand having self pity when others...
- I had no reason to not to want to live and be happy...

- My mother has always done everything she could on her own to ensure...
- WithArmed with determination I have defeated depression,...
- ...and createing a healthy, happy life for myself and my mother.

Depression as I had read and heard about it is a very significant and difficult state of mind, however, I believe that in every situation there's a solution.

You have a lot of people around you, people who love you and care about you, they mean well and they're ever ready to help. The least thing that you can do is to harm others and inflict negativity, so motivate yourself, as they said, "Happy thoughts", be with the people you love, write more, embrace life and live it the way you want it to be.