Bowdoin College is my top-choice school, so I want to make this essay just right. It feels too general, or perhaps too formal. Anyone willing to edit would be graciously appreciated.
Prompt: Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that is unusually vibrant intellectually. Some students enter Bowdoin with a clear commitment to a particular course of study; others come considering a broader range of academic possibilities while seeking the intellectual path that most excites them. What all students will share is exposure to the breadth and depth the Bowdoin curriculum provides. Describe what you expect your academic journey at Bowdoin to include. (Suggested length 250 to 500 words.)
Essay:
I had never fully voiced my opinion of the ethics of death, love, and human sexuality before in the classroom. As a student I had been like a sponge, soaking in information my teachers taught me. Yet here I was, fiercely debating the subjects with my teacher and my small Honors Ethics class. Though it had been only a half-year class, there was something about it that lit a spark in me like no other course had. I was free to voice my opinion, to defend that opinion and bolster that opinion and make myself an individual higher thinker. I was a teacher as my teacher was and my classmates were. We worked in an environment free from restriction, where we the students were experts equal to the teacher. We were not scolded about sins - we discussed things together as a class, and everyone's opinion mattered. We enjoyed ourselves and found our own matter of ethics. We lived life on a level higher than that of a regular class. We actually learned, not facts or data, but life. We learned life.
As a perspective Bowdoin student, I anticipate that I will encounter that same kind of learning on my academic journey there. During both my visits to the college, students and admissions officers have stressed over and over the idea of an all-powerful community spirit that hovers over the hearts of all people who teach and learn at Bowdoin. I believe that this spirit must apply not only to commitment to community service but also the learning and academic facets of the Bowdoin life. At Bowdoin, I expect that I will be free to voice my opinion or join my opinion with others'. There will be opportunities to both learn and teach. This circle of discovery of higher knowledge is a rarity among colleges and is why I have chosen Bowdoin as my top choice school.
The core motivation behind the college lies in serving the "common good" and helping students help other people. This high motive of service fosters both a strong intellectual ability and an open heart that applies that ability. During my academic journey, I intend to adopt this idea and assimilate into its character.
The emphasis on the importance of every student as a part of the whole somewhat redefines my current view of education. Where in the past I had thought that education was all about absorbing as much information as I could, I now understand that I have an obligation to tie that information together and give back by developing higher thinking based upon that facts I had learned. I also understand now that learning is a joint effort. I believe that Bowdoin embodies this ideal. Unlike any other college I am applying to, Bowdoin will grant me the ability to give back what I take from the school. This, more than anything, renders the college as my top choice.
Yup, too general! Right from the start:
I am applying to Bowdoin College because I want to find a way to always engage and better myself in all aspects of my life.
Well, you write without errors, but you are right to suspect that this can benefit from some real, inspired truth about why you choose Bowdoin over other schools and what you expect. How about some specifics, and some intriguing plans for the time you will spend there...
It's good that you used a personal experience and tied it in to what you want out of Bowdoin/what you can bring to Bowdoin. There are A LOT of grammatical errors though that, when fixed, can greatly improve your essay as a whole. I would try to reread it, find the errors, and smooth things out, making them sound nicer. The concept, which is the most important part, is very good though. I like it.
