Hello
Thank you for your coming my page.
I really want you to review and advice my essay.
I have a question asked by many people. Do you enjoy running? Most people consider running as tiring and boring sport. However, it is comfortable above all to run for me. I put my hand on a starting line by the signal called "set", and then all my senses centralize in my ear. It stops at time and hears nothing. My heart becomes empty but at the moment when a pistol has begun to sound I start running step by step as if I satisfy the heart. Wind strongly blows my body, the world in front of me changes and I become a flash of wind. I forget to move my foot and go to the goal as if I fly. After having finished running, I said what is your question?
I have a question asked by many people. Do you enjoy running?
You might want to insert a colon between those two sentences, so it'd be "I have a question asked by many people: Do you enjoy running?"
Most people consider running as tiring and boring sport.
It's grammatically correct to say "Most people consider running to be a tiring and boring sport."
However, it is comfortable above all to run for me.
You could say "However, above all, I find the most comfort in running," or something like that.
I put my hand on a starting line by the signal called "set", and then all my senses centralize in my ear.
Since you seem to be opting to describe a scene that you live out often, you could emphasize on describing it like that.
"I put my hand on the starting line. The signal is called. Set! Suddenly, all of my senses centralize in my ear. .
[i[It stops at time and hears nothing. [/i]
Perhaps you want to clarify what "it" is? Like " The non-stop flow of adrenaline, pumping through my body stops and I hear nothing. Time!
My heart becomes empty but at the moment when a pistol has begun to sound I start running step by step as if I satisfy the heart.
Just fix up the grammar and word choice a bit. "My heart empties, but at the moment when the pistol fires , I start running, step by step, satisfying my heart.
Wind strongly blows my body, the world in front of me changes and I become a flash of wind.
Sounds cool!
I forget to move my foot and go to the goal as if I fly.
Also cool!
After having finished running, I said what is your question?
Here you could say "After I am finished running, I catch my breath, and ask... what is your question?
I really like the subject of your short essay! Maybe you want to talk more about how you feel when you run, the excitement, what it means to you, if there's any memories that you can associate with running. Great job!
Is this one of those short answer questions? It seems quite short. I tried revising it:
One question many people have asked me is: "Do you enjoy running?" Running is often considered as a tedious sport. I, however, find running to be comfortable.
Once I place my hands on the starting line, all my senses centralize in my ear.(That part of the sentence is quite awkward.) At this moment, time seems to stop and silence takes over. My heart becomes empty (This is also quite awkward. You can replace "becomes epmty" with "stops") , but the moment the pistol sounds, I start running step by step as if I satisfy the heart.(awkward) As the wind strongly blows against my body, the world in front of me changes and I become a flash of wind. It almost seems as if I am flying to the goal. After having finished running, I reply: "What is your question?"
Just wondering, what exactly is the prompt for this essay? It would be helpful if you also state what the prompt is so other users can help with your flow of ideas.
Hope this helps.
the essay is okay. it needs gramatical changes as shown by the others above. In terms of content, it needs more substance because it doesnt show why you like running or why it is your passion. also it might be helpful to add your participation in a team like track or cross country.
It would be great if you could have a look at mine!
Thank you!!!
I am international student so glad to your help.
midoriさん
Thank you for youe help.
I rewrite it.Later,I will review your キットカット essay!
Lostboy
I really appreciate your comment.
I add the detail.
And,I will look your essay
new essay
I have a question asked by many people: Do you enjoy running? Most people consider running to be tiring and boring sport. "However, above all, I found the most comfort in running.
I belonged to the Track and Field club. The practice is hard but blowing clear wind separates me from realities of life. Because it is a challenge for me to run, running is the special for me. It is not matter what other think about Track and Field.
The signal is called. Set! I put my hand on the starting line and, suddenly, all of my senses centralize in my ear. Time seems to stop and silence takes over. My heart stops but the moment the pistol sounds I start running step by step as if I satisfy the heart. As wind strongly blows my body, the world in front of me changes and I become a flash of wind. I forget to move my foot. It almost seems as if I am flying to the goal. After having finished running, I reply: "What is your question?"
Kikuchi
I like how you ended it, thought it was a really unique + witty ending. You could add more about how running affects you/why is it your passion as Lost Boy mentioned. Otherwise its pretty good! Also maybe you want to state why running is a challenge for you and how you overcome that, for example: "I have asthma, but I would not let it stand in the way, despite the constant complications and challenges because running is my passion" <something akin to that.
Hope this helps!
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