"Entrepreneur is like a bestfriend" - letter of motivation to Hanze University

please correction my Motivation Letter.. I've tried to make it as good as possible but i don't know this is good or not..thanks

I am Indah who have strong desire, experimenter, and study hard. Was born from a mixture between Javanese and Bataknese family with a nature familial and responsible freedom. My father is a tax administrator and my mother is owner in a small bakery. Their experience made me have a lot of views to be an entrepreneur. Entrepreneur makes me so dynamic, creative, and innovative.

I have discovered my identity since in senior highschool. Became 25 people had chosen from 150 form that are available in extracurricular entrepreneurship on school is preliminary evidence that I can start my career. I also joined in the basketball team since 3rd grade in elemantary school.

Chance is only come for one time, there's no second chance and I believe we need to take every chance possible with wise. I had been a volunteer in the American education exhibition. There, I accompanied my partner from Sierra College to promote their school. I was so unconfiden at first but at the end I could do the job so well and mingle with them. Then Aminef offered me to be a volunteer in their next exhibition. And I did the best for them.

I'm interested with the International Business and Management Studies program bye Hanze University. Because Hanze University motivated me to learn to be a entrepreneur who could answer the global challenges that I am interested especially in science. With international athmosphere and multi-cultural experience teachers that will be educated with well. Also, with practical projects and actual cases as the material I believe being a succees and have a lot of friends overseas.

Entrepreneur is like a bestfriend, because my entrepreneur's soul won't be lose though I fall for many times by the way I reach the success. I'm sure with Hanze University I can take the other step to reach my goal. "in the business world everyone is paid in two coins. Cash and experience. Take the experience first, the cash will come letter" Harold Geneen. Experience made me found who I really am. People needs money, but it will be useless if we don't have any experience. If we do something in a good way, I believe we will get the good result too.

best regards
Indah Ria Lestari

Dear Lestari,

Sorry to say, but it's not upto the par. The flow of your writing is very poor. I think you need to follow few basics of writing-

1.Give one idea in one para.
2.Try starting with topic sentence and then go on explaining the things.
3.Befor starting to write, you first decide what all questions you want to answer and then write accordingly. This is the most time consuming step. Once you will be cleared with the questions, plan and design of your writing, your job will be very easy.

Once you will do these things then only somebody can help you with editing and proofreading.

Thanks.