Everyone should possess inner qualities that help others around them - fgcu essay

Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life that has been particularly meaningful to you.

Everyone should possess inner qualities that help others around them. That is the reason why communities grow better everyday. I have some qualities of my own that I believe would contribute to the university community.

I love coming up with ideas and displaying my creativity. I've always liked designing things, so I started digitally designing. Doing that helped me to express my creativity and love for design. I love thinking of an idea to design and watching my idea come to life. A university community needs creativity and new ideas to grow. Someone could tell me to design anything digitally and I will be determined to do it. I could design logos, shirts, banners and much more if I got asked to. I am the type of person that might spend days simply designing something on the computer to make it look Impressing. For the Fgcu community, I would help design anything that students would appreciate. Banners and logos are what bring a community together. Because of my creativity, I'm also idealistic.I am able to come up with ideas to help others. Whatever a student in the university needs help on, I will think of an idea to help them. This quality helps me to help others.

When I was on the track team, I wasn't the best at first, but after setting a goal and trying my best running in every practice, I eventually improved greatly. Running in track was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt like quitting sometimes but I didn't allow myself to do that. There were some times where I came home and I could barely physically move after a long practice. I thought to myself, "how will I do this everyday for 3 months?". I didn't think that I Would be able to handle it, but after long practices, long track meets, and scarcely being able to walk at times, I never quit and I stayed to the end. I always set a goal and will always try my hardest to achieve that goal. I try my very best in each situation. I believe that I can motivate others to try their best too. My ambitiousness can contribute to a university because I will try my best through every class that I have and I'll always make sure that I work hard. I will be thankful and appreciate the opportunity.

Hey whatevah!

Here's my feedback:

Everyone should possesses inner qualities that help others around them.
Because they do! Saying "should" seems belittling of others.
That isIt'sthe reason why communities grow better everyday.
I cut down words for elegance.
I have some qualities of my own that I believe would contribute to the university community.
This whole sentence seems a little clumsy; you should write a better one to introduce your idea.

For the second paragraph:
I appreciate the fact that you are creative and idealistic - but you should show more than tell. You do introduce examples of your creating art and making products, but they should be more illustrative.

For example you say:
Someone could tell me to design anything digitally and I will be determined to do it. I could design logos, shirts, banners and much more if I got asked to.

My advice would be to illustrate and specify:
The football team could ask me to design anything from a knight mascot to a banana logo to go on things from helmets to mugs, and I could do it. In fact, I actually designed..., then you might make a specific example of a real design project you did. Show rather than tell your capabilities and principles.

For the third paragraph:
Same advice as paragraph above. I appreciate that in the middle, you came up with an intense illustrative example of hardly being able to move after a track run. Here, you showed instead of told your determination.

When I was on the track team, I wasn't the best at first, but after setting a goal and trying my best running in every practice, I eventually improved greatly.

This sentence is generic.
This is less so:
When I first joined the track team, I was even slower than four-toed Joey, but a strong will to succeed and compete led me to improve my 200m sprint by whole seconds.

Sorry if that sounds stupid, I know nothing about track. But I suggest to be much more illustrative. Show, don't tell. It's much better for interesting writing.

Thankyou for helping, and the topic I put is wrong, it should be

What qualities do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the university community?