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"an exotic wildlife veterinarian" - Macaulay Honors College Essay feedback?



Shenise_T 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2009   #1
Topic- Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Requirements- Max. 500 Words

An issue of international concern that has importance to me is the endangerment and extinction of exotic species. Born an animal lover, and a strong believer in natural rights for both humans and animals alike, this topic has always been one that I would gladly debate about, even as a child. The thought of losing a beautiful, awe-inspiring animal such as the Iberian lynx has significantly influenced my choice in career, to become an exotic wildlife veterinarian.

Becoming an exotic wildlife veterinarian is of great importance to me because I have always wanted to feel as though I am making a difference in the world. Working with endangered animals would be perfect for me because I would be doing something towards which I feel passionate. I feel that the endangerment of these animals does not get the attention that it deserves. If the Iberian lynx, the most endangered feline species in the world, were to become extinct, it would be the first feline die off completely since the saber-toothed tiger. What would that say about humanity as a whole? We must learn to protect and care for these animals.

Having the topic of wildlife destruction introduced to me at such a young age has been an important factor in shaping who I have become, which is another reason as to why it is so important to me. The loss of exotic species has not only helped me decide my career, but it has also shaped me as a person. It has given me the inspiration and ambition I need to strive academically and to fight for what I believe in.

Wildlife endangerment is important to me because it has helped me to decide upon a career to follow as well as helping my personal growth and development. The endangerment of exotic species has inspired me to fight for their rights, and I plan to use all that I know about this topic to do so. If I could make my dreams of becoming a wildlife veterinarian come true, I would do all in my power to care for animals in need.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 11, 2009   #2
This is great! I always tell people they should connect this issue to their intended field of study if possible... you did a great job of it. One thing, though, is that the first sentence of that last paragraph is sort of redundant and repetitive...actually, it is like a statement of the obvious. It seems like, after all that you have said, it is pointles to say it influenced you in a number of ways. Instead, start to add something new in that last para by speculating about how things will be, etc...

Kind regards!


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