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My experience at the hospital - Short common app

Juliano 11 / 29  
Dec 21, 2010   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Please help me with this. The main thing i need answered with this essay is whether it answers the promp or not and any other suggestions would be helpful. Please tell me if it answers the prompt its the thing that worries me about this. Thank you so much and if you need me to look at any of your work just ask.

"Come on Juliano, hurry," I hear Jessica a nurse from my unit, yell. I look around thinking there most be another Juliano but it is only me. She is signaling me to hold the patient down. He is having convulsions and she cannot keep him still and treat him at the same time. I rush over and hold him gently because he is an elderly gentleman and I am scared of hurting him. I see the nurse reach for something but then my attention is drawn back to the patient who continues to move. All of a sudden he stops, he seems more relaxed and so I relax too. The nurse and I exchange looks and smile. I then look at the time and see my day is over. She says as I walk out "Hope enjoyed you first day of volunteering at the hospital, see you next week."
genevieveedu 5 / 14  
Dec 21, 2010   #2
I would elaborate deeper than simply telling an anecdote. Try to unveil some significance in your experience, what you've learnt, etc. Why this activity was important.

Good luck!
OP Juliano 11 / 29  
Dec 21, 2010   #3
Gne i totally agree with you but i can only write 150 words and that was my limit. Thank you for your suggestion.
whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 21, 2010   #4
I can see that you enjoyed volunteering at the hospital but other than that, I don't think there is a focus in writing this anecdote. (I also think that you can cut out a lot of unnecessary detail)

Try to put in a sentence about the point of your voluteering, whether it is dedication, future medical career, or etc. Like what michelle said, what is the significance?

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